24 Hours of Insanity
by Marisa
Summary: The stubbornness of an elleth leads Legolas through a day of mishaps just to prove she loves him. A fluffy, romantic, kinda slapstick, comedy.
1. Oh, My Aching Head

**Summary** – The stubbornness of an elleth leads Legolas through a day of outlandish pranks just to prove she loves him.

**Disclaimer – **I do not own any characters, places or references found in the _Lord of the Rings_ universe and make absolutely no profit in this.

**Author's Notes** – I have written many of my stories in first person and prefer this format. This story is told from the point of view of Legolas and Merilin (meaning 'nightingale' in Sindarin) and is pure fun and fluff.

**Warnings –  
**1)Marysue character – definition: a character created by the author and not in the original stories – some readers don't like them, so this is why I've put this as a warning  
2) Legolas will be out of character – I am well aware of it. This is just fanfiction, done for fun, so if you're looking to read exact _Lord of the Rings_ book canon, then stop reading this now.  
3) Sexual situations – self explanatory  
4) Some people don't like them, but I love using the three dots (…) and I use them a lot. To me it means a pause in thought or a side note.

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24 Hours of Insanity  
****By Marisa** **

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Chapter 1 – Oh, My Aching Head  
(Merilin's POV) **

As I slowly regained consciousness, I felt heat upon my face and knew the sun was shining through the window. The side of my head began throbbing quite painfully and it was no wonder, considering the amount of miruvor I consumed the previous night at the King's Merrymaking Ball. I thanked the Valar such an event came only once a year.

I rarely drank miruvor and never in great quantities. How had I allowed such a thing to happen? The twins…If I recalled correctly, the deviant sons of Elrond had much to do with it. As soon as I could manage to get out of my bed, I would hunt them down and kill both of them.

I forced my eyes open and frowned at the extremely bright light on my face. Of course, it was the sun. But I did not recall it ever shining so brightly through the window. Even the simple act of raising a hand to shield my eyes proved to be exhausting. Just as I discovered the fact that the sun was actually shining down on me from the wrong direction, I quickly surmised that I was not in my assigned bed chamber…or on any bed for that matter. Strange that my eyes were staring at what looked like stone flooring.

That was a surprise. To be lying on the ground. My next thought was to ask myself how had I gotten to be there. I raised my head, still shielding my eyes with a hand, and glanced around. The movement was again exhausting. The familiarity of the expansive room was a shock because I remembered just how crowded this very hall had been the previous night. And to add to the oddity of the situation, I discovered I was lying in a corner, covered in what appeared to be the cloth from one of the tables.

My eyes fell upon something blue lying on the floor a short distance away. Recognition came instantly. It was my gown and my undergarments were right beside it. They had been tossed there in what looked to be a haphazard manner. With a squeak, I realized I wore no clothing beneath the tablecloth.

A sound from behind forced me to be still. I did not dare breathe, waiting for the sound to come again. Then I felt it…something breathed at the back of my neck. My first thought was that one of the King's hounds was lying behind me. I slowly edged away, hoping the animal would not awaken. My recollection of the large hounds was that they liked to lick faces and I was in no mood for such affection at the moment. At least not while I was so…underdressed.

I slowly sat up and turned to confirm the presence of the hound. But it was no hound lying there. It was another Elf…a golden-haired one and bare from the waist up according to the placement of the tablecloth. For a moment I almost forgot to worry about finding myself in such a predicament. Until the Elf stirred and rolled over on his back, revealing to me the face of the prince of Mirkwood.

An involuntary screech escaped my throat and I quickly scrambled backward, taking the tablecloth with me. The action uncovered the rest of him and revealed his leggings wide open and pushed down to his knees…and him in all of his glory…his rather splendid and erect glory, more like it. The sight forced another screech out of my mouth, this one much louder.

The sound awakened Legolas and he reflexively sat up, slamming his head into the side of a planter beneath the window above him. A string of Elven curses spilled from his mouth as he fell back to the floor, both hands covering the growing red welt on his forehead.

I started to move toward him because I was the kind of elleth who could not bear to see anyone in pain. When he opened his eyes and they suddenly focused on a place below my chin, I remembered the tablecloth and my state of undress and quickly pulled it back up to cover myself. Just for good measure, I slid further away.

Legolas sat back up, scowling at the offending planter and avoided it this time. Then he realized the state of his own undress and immediately pulled up his leggings to cover himself before turning in my direction. For a moment he looked confused and then he raised his eyebrows. "Well," he said with a goofy smile. "This is rather awkward."

"Awkward?" I scrunched my face into a frown. "Legolas Greenleaf, did you…did you…" I was so angry the words would not even come to my lips.

"Did I what?" he asked in annoyance and rubbed his forehead.

I pointed an accusing finger at him. "You…You know what you did."

He held his hands up in surrender. "Believe me when I say I truly want to remember. Perhaps you can enlighten me."

I stared at his bare chest and the sudden image of his bare genitals popped into my head, forcing me to close my eyes and shake my head. Such perfection…I had envisioned him to be perfect, but to actually see him sent my pulse racing into oblivion. "How could you not remember?"

He frowned. "For your information I drank far more miruvor than you last night. That is how I do not remember. I might ask why you do not remember."

"You made me drink too much."

"I made you drink too much? I do not recall forcing anything down your throat…" He paused and reached up to rub his chin almost thoughtfully. "Except perhaps my…" The mortified look on my face must have stopped the rest of his words. But not all of them. "Nonetheless I am quite certain you were the one that requested it."

I gave him another angry look. "What? I do not even like you. Therefore I conclude that you took advantage of me."

"Ha! I have never taken advantage of any elleth." He folded his arms across his chest and smiled in a smug manner. "There is no need for it because they pursue me at every opportunity."

"Such arrogance and conceit. Tis no small wonder I have no interest in you." I turned around and began to crawl toward my clothing several feet away.

Legolas chuckled behind me. "I would truly be content if such a splendid sight greeted me every morning."

I glanced back over my shoulder and realized in my haste to crawl away from him and gather my clothing, that I failed to cover my back side. I quickly rolled around to hide myself. "You do not have to look."

"Tis in my face, how can I not look?"

I struggled to my feet, feeling dizzy from the agonizing ache in my head, but having enough sense to securely wrap the tablecloth around myself. Staring into his eyes, just to prove that he did not daunt me, I took two steps back and bent to pick up my clothing. Then I lifted my nose in the air and turned to walk away in a dignified manner…only to trip over something in my path. Falling face first with a surprised yelp, my legs were splayed out behind me in a most unladylike manner…not quite as decorous as I had hoped. The hound that had walked in my path came around to sympathetically lick my face. "_Rhach le_!" I cried out and pushed him away. (curse you)

The son of the King laughed from where he still sat on the floor. "Do you require assistance?"

I stood back up, readjusted the tablecloth and smoothed my hair before calmly turning to face Legolas. "Nay, I am fine." Then I glared at the hound, daring him to step in my path once again. After a moment I turned around and casually walked toward the doorway.

Along the way I realized that we had not been alone in the hall. I saw Elladan lying with an unknown elleth at another corner. Two pairs of feet were sticking out from beneath one of the tables. An elleth I did not recognize was sprawled in one of the planters beneath the window. I whirled around to take in the rest of the hall, my eyes falling on the King's chair where a hairy dwarf slept with another hairy being curled on his lap. Another couple were locked in a lover's embrace on one of the many cushioned benches. Never in my fifteen hundred years of life had I seen such a sight. What had happened throughout the evening? What had been in the miruvor to intoxicate so many into displaying such unruly public behavior?

My own dilemma quickly resurfaced. Did Legolas and I…? And I had no recollection of it? Oh, why did it have to be Legolas…the Elf I despised more than anyone or anything in my entire life?

I picked up my feet and hastened to the bed chamber assigned to me for the duration of my stay in Mirkwood. But as circumstances would have it, if I had no bad luck then I would have no luck at all. Rounding a corner I nearly collided into Gandalf and Lord Elrond, my guardian. I thought about groveling at their feet in reverence, but wearing only a tablecloth would appear a bit bizarre to them.

"Merilin, are you all right?" asked Elrond.

"I am fine," I replied with a forced smile, unable to think of anything else to say. "Quite well, in fact. Thank you for asking." I turned with a grimace and continued down the hall, hearing the two of them question each other regarding my rather odd behavior.

When I finally reached my room, I slammed the door shut before leaning back against it and hopelessly sliding down to the floor. Oh Valar, what had I done with Legolas? And especially why with him? Why could I not have woken with someone else? Even waking up with gentle old Gandalf beside me would have been far less disturbing. Well, maybe not. Oh, what in Middle Earth had I done?

I stood up and rushed into the bath chamber, scrambling to release water in the tub and impatiently waiting for it to fill. The water was warm and comforting, but my heart continued to pound loudly in my chest.

Legolas…

I detested him with every fiber of my being. Why had I allowed him to violate me, much less even touch me in any manner? He was a self-centered, arrogant snob, parading around like some kind of prized stallion, with ladies always giggling and preening themselves in his presence. It disgusted me to no end. Such behavior was undignified coming from the only son of the King. Even though I had known Legolas all of my life, the very thought of him revolted me. Aye, he was revolting. I certainly never asked for such attention from him, as much as he tried to playfully seduce me. The words I most often used in reply to him were "never" and "when orcs fly". I never harbored any plans to be one of the many notches on his bed post.

And now all of that had changed in the blankness of an evening I would never have the opportunity to recall. Perhaps it was best if I did not recall it, for I would surely vomit at the memories of what could have transpired between us. What vile acts had we performed…and in the hall…among others? Ai, I was mortified!

I loathed him…

I wrapped my arms around myself in the heat of the water, feeling large tears sliding down my cheeks. Even in this moment of nausea, I could not even convince myself of the feelings I wanted so desperately not to feel. His public conduct with the ladies was sickening, yet in secret I craved for that kind of attention from him. I hated him for desiring others, yet I desired him with all my heart. The mentality I possessed would have boggled the mind of a Balrog.

I loved him…

How pitiful of me to love the one I hated most.

And he defiled me.

But I knew I could not place all the blame on his shoulders. I had also consumed an exorbitant amount of miruvor and obviously neither of us had been in the right frame of mind.

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a sharp knock on the door of the bed chamber. I waited, hoping whoever the caller was would simply go away. But I had no such luck. The knock came again and again.

With a heavy sigh, I climbed out of the warm tub and slipped on my robe, then walked to the door and leaned on it. "Who is it?"

"We need to talk, Merilin. Let me in." The distinct voice belonged to Legolas.

"I think not."

"I wish to apologize. Please open the door."

Apologize? It was far too late for that and I had no intention of accepting anyway. "I am in the process of bathing and I am not dressed."

"Tis a bit late for modesty. Open the door."

"You are one to say such a thing to me, the manner in which you were displayed before my eyes this morning."

"Open the door."

"Nay, I will not. Go away." I jumped when something hit the door.

"Open the door," he calmly requested again.

"I said go away!"

"Open the door or I will break it down!" His tone grew harsh.

"You would not dare!"

Something hit the door once again, harder this time. The door hinges rattled in the aftermath. I began to question whether he might have the strength to actually knock the door down. Not willing to chance such a thing, I unlocked the door and opened it. Although I had known Legolas for nearly all of my fifteen hundred years, I could not be sure he would not get physical with me, so I quickly backed away.

Legolas stood on the other side of the doorway, his hands resting on either side of the doorframe. He was still bare from the waist up. After a moment of hesitation, he stepped into my room and closed the door behind him.

Even though my robe was tied, I folded my arms over my chest for added concealment. "Well? On with your apology then."

His eyes narrowed at my words. "We are both at fault, Merilin, but at least I am making an effort to apologize to you for what occurred. The least you could do is the same."

"Ha, me apologize to you for what happened? I had nothing to do with it."

"You still believe I took advantage of you?"

"Aye, you did!"

Legolas moved closer, forcing me to stumble backward with my back to the wall. He pointed a finger at my nose. "Fine. Believe what you will. I retract my apology. I am not sorry." He leaned closer and I could feel his breath against my face. "And furthermore, I am quite certain I found no enjoyment with you, for if I did, then I would surely have remembered it."

"That is a cruel thing to say to me."

"Why should I not be cruel? For as long as I have known you, not once in my presence have I heard a kind word coming from your lips."

My heart pounded so loudly that I barely heard his words. "Nothing kind ever comes to mind when you are around, Legolas Greenleaf. I have no desire to be anywhere near you. You may have had your way with me while I was intoxicated, but I refuse to be treated in the same manner you treat all your little playmates."

His eyes narrowed again. "My playmates?"

"Do not pretend you know not what I speak of. I am no fool. If you wish to fornicate with every elleth in your kingdom, then by all means, do not let me stand in the way of your continued progress."

Anger and bitterness I would have expected. What I did not expect was laughter. He backed away and laughed and laughed, holding his sides as if the act pained him. Finally he regained his composure enough to look in my direction once again. "That is by far the funniest statement I have heard in all my life."

"What do you find funny about it?" I asked in rage, balling my fists at my sides, wanting to pound them on his face and vanquish the beauty that haunted me. He could not be any more beautiful than he already was and the very thought made me want to vomit.

The humor quickly left Legolas's face. "Ask anyone who knows me best, which is obviously not you, and they will tell you all about my playmates."

"I have absolutely no desire to know any of the disgusting details."

"For your information, Merilin. I have had no intimate relations with any elleth…not for a long time."

"You lie."

"Why would I degrade myself to you in this manner if you think me so arrogant as to brag about playmates?"

"You want me to feel pity for you, perhaps so I might throw myself at your feet."

His face was a canvas of emotions and I saw all of them pass in a moment's time. There was something about the look in his eyes…his beautiful sapphire eyes. Strange how I had not noticed until this moment that his hair was unbraided and hanging loosely around his face. Everything about him was perfect, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes…bare as they were at the moment. He would always be perfect and he would always be the center of attention and he would always be sought after by every elleth and woman in Arda…perhaps even sought after by Men, who found him to be prettier than their own women. The son of Thranduil would forever be beyond my reach.

"Look into my eyes and tell me you have no feelings for me," he finally said after leaning toward me again.

My heart jumped into my throat and swelled, nearly choking me, denying me the air I desperately needed. I was suffocating. The hatred I felt for him was a complete sham. I tricked my own heart so that I would not have to live in constant pain whenever he showed the slightest inkling of interest toward another elleth. But I could no longer bear the strength for such a falsehood. I gritted my teeth behind my lips and stared into the sapphire pools of his eyes. "I do not like you," I said with absolute conviction because it was the truth. I did not like him…I loved him.

Legolas stared back at me for a moment before the left corner of his lips curled upward. A short laugh escaped his throat. "So be it." He turned to walk away and then stopped as if he had forgotten to say something. "Now that I know you…despise me…" He walked toward me again and this time leaned close enough to nearly brush my nose with his. "Perhaps I will start whoring around in the manner you think I do." His expression turned angry upon the conclusion of his statement.

For a moment I thought he was going to kiss me. His breath was warm on my face. But then he abruptly turned away. He opened the door and walked out, slamming it firmly behind him.

I released the breath I had been holding and stared at the closed door for a long time, wondering if he would return. My heart was still pounding from the confrontation. Why did his presence effect me so? Why could he not effect me in the same manner as Elladan or Elrohir. They were like brothers to me. Why could I not feel the same about Legolas? I hated my feelings for him. I did not want to love him.

As I turned to walk back into the bath, a knock came on the door.

I quickly moved to the door and flung it open. "Legolas?"

On the other side stood Arwen. "Nay, not Legolas." She walked in without invitation. "The way the two of you were clinging to each other last night, I am mildly surprised I do not find him here."

I grabbed Arwen's hand and led her to my bed where I sat her down. "Arwen, what happened last night? How did I come to find myself waking in his arms? You know I despise him."

Arwen sighed in a rather exaggerated manner. "Merilin, you cannot be so daft as to believe your own words. You have been in love with him since you were ten years old and saw him riding into Imladris with my brothers."

I gasped. "I am not in love with him."

She giggled. "I did not drink as much as everyone else. And being the only one not quite so intoxicated, I was witness to many perverse occurrences throughout the evening, including yours."

"What did you see? What did we do? Please tell me."

"You dragged Legolas to a corner, behind one of the tables and you both collapsed on the floor in fits of laughter."

I grabbed her arm. "Wait. You say I dragged Legolas? Are you certain it was not the other way around?"

"Nay, I distinctly remember you were leading the way."

I groaned and covered my face with a hand.

"There was kissing involved, but that had already been happening much earlier. Legolas pulled the cloth from the table and completely covered the two of you. Moments passed before your gown was flung away, followed by your undergarments."

I uncovered my face and covered my mouth with both hands.

"I could not see much with the table cloth covering you, but it appeared that whatever he did you found to be pleasing."

I was mortified. If Arwen had witnessed it, then how many others had? "Did anything else happen?" I hoped there was no more.

She looked up and tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Oh, there was one other thing. Before you both disappeared beneath the tablecloth, you shouted your love for him."

"I did not!" But how could I be sure? "Did I?"

"More than once and at the top of your lungs, I might add."

"Ai, Elbereth!"

Arwen stood up from the bed. "Anyway, the reason I came in the first place was to tell you that Aragorn and I are venturing to Lake-Town within the hour. I wondered if you cared to join us."

I bit my lower lip and looked up at Arwen. "Who else will be joining?"

"If you are referring to Legolas, I cannot answer. Aragorn has not asked him yet."

"If he goes then I will not."

Arwen threw her arms up in frustration. "You are impossible, my friend." She walked to the door and disappeared into the corridor.

After she was gone, I remained standing for what seemed an eternity. Why should I not go to lake-Town? Was I not the one who suggested the excursion yesterday morning? Why should I deny myself the chance to explore the vendors and purchase things I wanted? I had heard so much about Lake-Town. Such an opportunity would not come again when we returned to Imladris.

Without thinking, I left my chamber to pursue Arwen and tell her I was going, with or without Legolas. Along the way I nearly collided into Gandalf and Elrond once again. What were the chances of it happening twice in less than one hour? For me, when it came to awkward moments of embarrassment, always a good chance.

"Merilin!" said Elrond. "Are you intoxicated?"

"Nay, my Lord, never," I called out over my shoulder as I continued down the corridor in a rush.

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If this chapter stirs enough interest, I'll continue to work on this story, which won't be very long. If not, then I'll leave it alone. _


	2. Just Hang Me Now

_A/N - Thanks for expressing interest in this story with your reviews and PMs. I hope everyone enjoys this brief comical fic I decided to put together. It's definitely not my normal genre, but I thought it would be fun to write Legolas getting into some slapstick silliness. Also, I lowered the rating to T, but it all depends on what everyone wants. Let me know if you want to see more "mature" incidents and I will raise the rating again and write accordingly._

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Chapter 2 – Just Hang Me Now  
****(Legolas's POV)**

I stormed into my bed chamber and slammed the door in anger. I was only vaguely aware of Elrohir stepping out of the bath chamber, wiping his mouth as if he had recently discarded something from it. Pacing seemed like the appropriate thing to do…since I couldn't think of anything better to expend my sudden burst of energy. The growl that came out of my throat must have surprised my _peredhi_l friend because he glared at me with raised eyebrows. "Why must she be so infuriating?" I asked him. (half-elf)

Elrohir rubbed his temples. "Of whom do you speak?"

I stopped pacing and stared at Elrohir with my mouth open. I couldn't believe the son of Elrond didn't know who I spoke of. Everyone in Middle Earth knew the source of all my problems. "Merilin!"

Elrohir held up a hand. "Please, lower your voice."

"She has the gall to say she dislikes me."

"She does?"

"Nay, she is in love with me. I know it to be true."

"How do you know it?"

"Were you not in the hall when she proclaimed her love to me in front of the entire kingdom?"

A smile formed on Elrohir's lips as he seemed to finally recall the moment in question and he nodded. "Aye, how could I forget."

The fact that I was angered over all of this was further grounds to be angry. Why did I care what she thought of me? I enjoyed my freedom. I enjoyed not being nagged by meddlesome females. Ai, Valar, Merilin was the queen of meddling females for as long as I had known her. It was a blessing I only saw her once every century. But I continued to torture myself. Was I so vain to abhor the fact that there could be a female out there that wouldn't admit she loved me? "How can she deny her feelings? And people say I'm stubborn? I am a whimpering whelp compared to her."

"Well," Elrohir debated. "I would have to disagree on the basis of..."

I balled my fist and raised it in front of his face. "Whose side are you on?"

Elrohir raised a hand in defeat. "So what exactly did happen last night?"

"If I knew, do you think I wouldn't be boasting to you and Elladan about it? All I know is I woke beside a naked elleth and my leggings were down to my knees."

"And you forgot all that occurred except for the moment she declared her love to you?"

"Aye, only that."

"Surely you must remember some of the more intimate details."

I pulled the band of my leggings away from my waist and looked down the front of them. "Only he knows the truth and he has made no effort of any kind to enlighten me." I released the waistband with a snap and looked up thoughtfully. "Although I do feel a certain sense of satisfaction."

Elrohir stood up and came to squeeze my shoulder. "Come now, there are many ways to find satisfaction that aren't directly related to actual…penetration."

"I'm not an imbecile, Elrohir. I know that." I scrunched my nose and fanned my hand across my face at the sudden smell coming from his mouth. "Whew, Elrohir. Tis in everyone's best interest if you ate a piece of fruit or something." I glanced toward the door leading to my bath chamber. "I hope you didn't leave anything foul in there." I placed my hands on my hips as a thought suddenly occurred to me. "And what are you doing in my room, anyway?" A quick glance at my bed revealed that someone had slept in it, and by the way the sheets were tossed about, it had to be more than one person. "Who else was in here?"

A knock came on the door and Elrohir quickly rushed to answer it. Outside stood the newly crowned, newly-wed, King of Gondor.

As Elrohir greeted him with a nod and departed, obviously to avoid answering my question, Aragorn fanned a hand across his face and scowled at his departing foster brother. He turned to me. "He smells like vomit."

I rolled my eyes. Wonderful, now I would need to light several scented candles to ward away the stench. Not to mention the sheets would definitely need to be changed. Only the Valar knew what stained them.

"Get dressed, you're going to Lake-Town," announced Aragorn.

"I am?"

"Arwen and Merilin want to shop and I refuse to be the only male in their company."

I grabbed Aragorn's arm before he could depart. "Merilin?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Aye, Merilin. Tall, slender girl. Chestnut hair. Green eyes. You certainly seemed to know her last night."

"I know who she is, Aragorn," I replied in irritation. "And now I wish I had never met her."

"Well, that's a surprise. You were all over each other last night. What happened since then?"

"The effects of the miruvor have worn off, that's what happened. Now she refuses to admit she loves me."

Aragorn started to laugh, but then pretended to cough, obviously because he saw I didn't share in what he found to be humorous. "There's a simple remedy, my friend."

"And what's that?"

He squeezed my shoulder. "Take her in your arms and kiss her."

I shook my head. "Nay."

"Aye, kiss her senseless."

"Are you out of your mind? If I do that then she'll know I love her." I immediately slapped a hand over my mouth. My eyes darted to Aragorn. Judging by the way his jaw hung open, I realized I voiced what I hadn't meant to say outloud.

He smiled that half smile of his. "Did I hear you correctly? You love her?"

I shook my head, my hand still covering my mouth and mumbled a 'nay'.

He slapped me on the chest in glee. "You love her!"

I uncovered my mouth and came up with an excuse. "Aye, but not in the manner you think."

"And what manner might that be then?"

I shrugged a shoulder. "I love her the way one would love…a loyal pet. Aye, a loyal pet." I moved away from him and gritted my teeth. "Only she is not loyal. I would greatly desire to bend her over my knees and teach her loyalty." The image of her pleasantly bare backside came to me in a flash and my groin instantly reacted. I turned to Aragorn and pointed a finger. "Nay! I will not kiss her!"

He raised his hands in defeat. "As you wish. Put on a shirt, Legolas. The sooner we leave, the sooner we can return."

I absently pulled a shirt from my wardrobe as thoughts of retaliation clouded my mind. "I refuse to let this go. She may not recall what transpired last night, but I will see to it that she does not forget this day."

Aragorn led the way out of my chamber. We headed through the main corridor, occasionally greeting some of the many guests that had attended my father's annual ball. Unfortunately we never made it passed the library.

"Legolas, a word, please."

My father's voice echoed out into the corridor and Aragorn and I both cringed at the same time. Together we stepped into the library. Seated sporadically near my father were Gandalf, Lord Elrond and Lord Celeborn.

"Are you going somewhere?" asked the King.

I shrugged. "Lake-Town. Aragorn and I accompany Arwen and Merilin."

"Merilin?" Elrond asked with a severely arched brow. "She was seen this morning dashing about the corridors in very little clothing. Would you happen to know anything about that?"

I opened my mouth, but couldn't think of a single thing to say.

"She has nothing to wear," volunteered Aragorn. "And thus she desires to shop in Lake-Town."

"Of course!" I said a bit too loudly. "I recall she said one of the hounds jumped up on her and tore her gown."

"And she spilled wine on it," added Aragorn.

"And the pheasant porridge, too."

"So she could not wear it any longer," Aragorn concluded.

"And what is she wearing on her way to Lake-Town?" inquired Gandalf.

I exchanged a glance with Aragorn, hoping he could think of something to say. But he had nothing. "Arwen," I finally said with a snap of my fingers. "She is wearing one of Arwen's gowns."

Elrond kept glaring at me from beneath his arched eyebrow in a very suspicious manner. "Merilin did not sleep in her chamber last night. Surely you must know something about that?"

I gulped the nervous lump in my throat. "I…I…I have not the…the slightest idea," I stammered out. "I was tucked away…in my own bed. So…I didn't sleep with her…I mean…I did not see where she slept." Had I not been an Elf, I would have been sweating profusely at that moment. The four of them stared at me as if I had a third eye. I could hear Aragorn snickering behind me, which wasn't helping the situation in the least.

Gandalf turned to Celeborn. "What in blazes was in that miruvor? Everyone seems to be acting strangely this morning."

Aye, blame the miruvor. It seemed to be the basis of my problems thus far.

Thranduil stood up. "What we have here is a complete failure to communicate." He walked up to me and placed a hand on my shoulder, which only made me more nervous. "Son, you can tell me the truth."

Nay, the truth would get me in far more trouble than ever before. Lord Elrond had been Merilin's guardian her entire life. He was like a father to her and she was like another daughter. The truth would surely not go over well with him.

"I will not be angry, Legolas," assured my father. "Tell me what happened."

I took a deep breath and decided to just get it over with. I was certain Merilin would tell Elrond anyway and it was best I told my side of the story before she gave him the version that labeled me a rapist. "Very well. There is a small, miniscule chance that…Merilin and I…we might have been involved in an intimate act last night."

My father slapped me on the back of the head. "Of all the stupid things you could possibly have done, Legolas. What is wrong with you? Do you wish to put me in an early grave?"

I glared at him and rubbed the back of my head. "You said you wouldn't be angry."

"That was before I knew the truth!"

Elrond jumped to his feet and pointed an accusing finger at me. "Are you going to do something about this or must I?" He asked my father.

I held my hands up in defense. "Tis all a misunderstanding. Gandalf said it himself. It was the miruvor. It clouded my judgment. You know I'm not capable of doing such a thing under normal conditions."

"Ha!" replied my father. "I can recall many, many incidents when I wish the miruvor could have been blamed!"

"This is true," Aragorn said with a smile.

I gave him a look. "You instigated half of those incidents…_my friend_."

My father scowled at me. "There is but one thing you can do to right this wrong."

I knew just from the look on his face that I would not like what he was going to ask of me. And a feeling of nausea struck me when it dawned on me what it might be. "Nay, adar, please. I cannot."

"Aye, you will take her as your wife."

"But she doesn't even like me," I pleaded. After this, she would most definitely despise me.

"You will make her like you," demanded Elrond.

As if that could ever be a possibility. "I think not. She has all but told me to stick my head in a troll's rear end."

My father placed his hands on his hips to make himself appear more threatening. "I do not care how you do it, but you will make that girl your wife."

"I'm not the only one to blame here," I argued. "She had much to do with what happened."

"Merilin is an innocent child," rebutted Elrond.

Oh, I so wanted to tell him what I thought of his innocent child. But I was in enough trouble. Voicing my opinion would be like adding salt to a wound. "I have tried to apologize to her, but she refuses to acknowledge my existence. I can't do anymore than what I've already done."

"You will do what I tell you or lose your chance to rule Eryn Lasgalen." His scowl evaporated as he turned to Celeborn. "Is that the name we're going with? Or did we decide on Glad Calan? I like Eryn Lasgalen much better, don't you?"

"Aye, Eryn Lasgalen," said Celeborn with a nod.

Thranduil whirled back to me, his angry scowl instantly returning. "Right, so you will never rule Eryn Lasgalen!"

I groaned in annoyance. "Oh, what is happening here?" I turned and grabbed Aragorn's arm to drag him out of the library with me before my father planned the rest of my life. But I made sure my voice was still heard. "Help me find a rope so I can hang myself!"

Aragorn wiped the sweat from his forehead as we continued down the corridor. "You have to admit, that went far better than expected."

I shook my fist in the air. "Tis all her fault. If she had not danced with Aearon, then I would not have felt compelled to step in."

"Aha, so you were jealous."

I tried to laugh it off. "Jealous? Nay, I was merely trying to save Aearon from the predicament I find myself in at the moment." Well, it had sounded good in my head.

"Oh, but of course. Valar forbid Aearon finding himself waking beside Merilin instead of you."

I shuddered at the thought of Aearon and Merilin locked in a compromising embrace. "Just to set you straight, Aragorn, she flirted with me first." The smile on his face led me to believe he did not believe me. "That I do remember," I added, to try to prove my point, perhaps more to myself than my friend.

Gimli stepped out of a doorway ahead. "Ah, there you both are. Where are you off to?"

"Lake-Town," replied Aragorn. "Come with us, Gimli."

When I tried to peak into his room, Gimli quickly closed the door.

"I would, but I have my hands full today."

"Who is in there?" I asked.

Gimli coughed and cleared his throat. "In where?"

"In there, in your room."

"Oh, there. That would be my companion from last night."

"Companion?" Aragorn curiously inquired.

The dwarf grumbled something beneath his breath.

I reached for the door handle. "I would like to meet her."

Gimli quickly stepped in front of the door. "I do not think so."

I frowned. "That is downright rude, Gimli. She is a guest here. I have a right to meet each of them."

"Later."

"Why not now?"

"She is…sleeping. If you wake her up, she will get grumpy. Tis not a pretty sight, laddy. Things flying around the room. Gnashing teeth. Broken bones. Nay, now is not a good time."

Gnashing teeth and broken bones? I wondered what kind of a companion would inflict such abuse. But then again Gimli appeared to enjoy being physical. Perhaps dwarves loved in that manner. I shrugged. "Later then."

"Aye, later."

Aragorn and I walked away and after several steps we both glanced back to find Gimli letting one of my father's hounds out of the room.

"You don't think…" Aragorn started to say with a perplexed look on his face.

I shook my head in shock. "That dwarf is dumber than a three-legged chicken."

We finally made it outside of the caverns. Our faithful mounts, Arod and Brego, were miraculously waiting for us near the Forest River bridge beside two other horses. We mounted and waited for Arwen and Merilin.

Several moments later they stepped out. Just as Merilin caught sight of me, she stopped in her tracks and glared at me.

And now the fun would begin. I gave her a funny look and wrinkled my nose. She narrowed her brows at me. I continued to stare at her and then rubbed my thumb over my nose. As she passed me, I noticed her wipe at her nose in return. She mounted her horse and turned back to me. I nudged Arod forward and as I slowly passed her, I made sure to stare at her nose. When I glanced over my shoulder I was gratified to see her trying to stare down the front of it, her eyes crossing to focus on what she thought I was seeing. Then she rubbed both hands over her nose.

As I exchanged a smile and wink with Aragorn, he gave me his half smile in return. "Why do I have a feeling I am going to regret inviting you to come along?"

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_Thoughts? Please review. Thanks._


	3. Get A Room!

_A/N – Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. I hope everyone is enjoying this short fic as much as I enjoy writing it. In this chapter it might look like Legolas and Merilin are acting like spoiled brats, but I'm just trying to convey their stubbornness to admit they love each other. Hope you enjoy!_

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Chapter 3 – Get A Room!  
****(Merilin's POV)**

I stared at the back of Legolas's head as we rode along the path I assumed led to Lake-Town. His little nose trick infuriated me. He had the nerve to tease me after what happened during the night. I was of a mind to think he remembered every moment of the blank evening and pretended to not recall it so as to avoid any commitments. Well, he had nothing to worry about because I had no intention of committing myself to him…even if he begged me on his hands and knees and offered me flowers and honey…and purchased a new gown for me every week for the rest of my life…and gave me my own breeding stallion to raise fast horses…and braided my hair every morning after my bath…and rubbed my toes every night before I retired…and gave me tiny butterfly kisses along the side of my neck…or further down to my…

"What're you smiling about?" Arwen's voice interrupted my interlude.

Upon realizing that indeed I was smiling, I quickly wiped it from my mouth. "I was not smiling."

"You were," Arwen said with a giggle. "What thoughts warranted such a smile?"

I could not tell her what I truly had been thinking. "I was…I was thinking about how hungry I am."

"We can eat in Lake-Town. I know of a small inn that serves a delicious stew."

"You have been to Lake-Town before?"

"Only once, when last I traveled to Mirkwood with my Ada."

I did recall the trip Arwen had made with Lord Elrond. They had invited me, but I chose to visit Lady Galadriel in Lothlorien instead. Mainly because I wanted to avoid seeing Legolas with his entourage of elleth. The louse thrilled in seeing me seethe with jealousy. Well, not anymore. I would never give him a second look if he had an elleth hanging from his arm. Never!

I nudged Alagos into a canter. "Come, Arwen, let us quicken the pace or we will never get there." I raised my nose up defiantly as I moved past Legolas and Aragorn, charging between their horses.

"Nay, Merilin, wait!" yelled Legolas.

I ignored him and continued forward, sending Alagos into a gallop. The way ahead was an evident path and it could only lead directly to Lake-Town. What reason was there to proceed at such a slow pace? After a quick glance over my shoulder I realized no one was catching up to me.

I faced forward again with a smile. Suddenly a large black shape jumped out of the trees ahead. Alagos came to an abrupt stop and had I not been holding on, I would have flown over his head. Then he reared and I slid off his back to land on my behind. Before I had the chance to stand up, my horse quickly stepped aside and dashed back in the direction we had come.

I stared ahead at the black shape, realizing it was a giant spider. Perhaps not quite full grown, but large enough to scare the color out of my hair. An involuntary screech came out of my throat as the creature advanced upon me.

**

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(Legolas's POV) **

Upon hearing Merilin's cry, I charged up the path and quickly dismounted without waiting for Arod to slow his steps. Up ahead was Merilin, sitting on the ground and a juvenile spider stalking toward her. Suddenly she jumped up on her feet and ran toward me. But she didn't stop there. She climbed on my back and tried to drag her legs up on my shoulders. If that wasn't enough, she wrapped her arms around my head from behind and I could no longer see anything.

"Merilin…" I fought with her arms, but her legs got in the way. So now I had an arm and a shapely leg wrapped around my neck. Even with that distraction, I managed to notch an arrow and stretch my bow.

The spider screeched as my arrow slammed into its head. It flew backward and rolled several times before lying dead in a heap at the foot of a tree.

Now that the danger was averted, I stared down at the bare calf around my neck, wanting so badly to sink my teeth into the soft flesh.

"I see Merilin has resorted to riding Elves instead of horses now?"

Hearing Aragorn's voice forced me to turn around, with Merilin still clinging to me from behind with all four of her limbs. Aragorn and Arwen were sitting on their horses, grinning and watching us. With an angry scowl, I detached Merilin's limbs and let her fall behind me. I would be lying if I didn't say I felt a sense of great satisfaction hearing the grunt that followed her contact with the ground. But then I grew a conscience and turned around to help her.

She glared up at me with venom and refused my offered and. Then after getting up on her feet, she kicked me in the shin.

"Why'd you kick me?"

"You dropped me on purpose."

"I beg to differ. I didn't drop you, you fell." She made to kick me again and this time I was quick enough to avoid her foot. I pointed a finger at her, trying my best to display authority. "Don't do that again, Merilin or I'll have you thrown in the gallows for kicking the King's son."

"Oh, please. The King's son. You don't scare me, Legolas. In fact…"

As Merilin went on with her verbal abuse, I glanced around for her horse, but I was sure he was more than halfway back to Mirkwood by now. Arod trotted over when I gestured to him.

Merilin blathered on with sarcasm. "…with your warrior braids like that's going to really put the fear of the Valar in my heart. Not to mention the other day when you…"

I picked her up and she gasped. Then she gasped again when I set her on Arod's back and vaulted up behind her.

She fought to dismount my horse. "I would rather walk than ride with you."

"Sit still or I will push you off."

She spun to look at me, defiance written all over her lovely face. "You wouldn't dare!"

I put on a serious look. "Do not tempt me, elleth. I am in a daring mood today and am capable of practically anything." When she turned to face forward again, I exchanged a glance with Aragorn. He pretended to show a lack of interest in what was happening. Well, at least she wasn't fighting me any longer.

**

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(Merilin's POV) **

I decided to give in for the time being. Alagos and I would need to have a little elleth to horse talk when I returned. How could he leave me in the hands of this conceited ellon?

As we rode on, Legolas rambled about dangers that still lurked in the forest. "Although the adult spiders have all been exterminated, there are still some of their young hiding in trees."

"I was not frightened at all," I stated, even though I knew I could never convince him, not after the way I tried to climb on top of him. I wanted to kick myself for acting in that manner. It had only been a tiny spider. While he snickered behind me, I couldn't think of a single thing to say to save my dignity.

"I do not fault you for being frightened, Merilin. That spider would have stung you and that would have ruined the rest of my day."

"Ruined the rest of your day? What about me? I could have died. Not that you would care in the least."

"I saved you! How can you say I don't care?"

I turned to look at him again. "So you do care?"

There was a gleam in his eye. "I care that you would have ruined my day."

I faced forward again and angrily crossed my arms. It wasn't the fact that I was being forced to ride with him on his horse, I was more disturbed by my reaction to his closeness. It overwhelmed me…his scent, his heat…the manner in which his breath tickled the side of my neck. We could not reach Lake-Town soon enough for me.

With his hands reached around me from behind to hold his horse's reins, his right wrist suddenly came to rest on my thigh. "Don't touch me!"

"Tis not my fault your leg is in the way. Trust me when I say I would not touch you if my life depended on it."

"And why not? You had no problem touching me last night. Am I not good enough for you now?"

"Merilin, I honestly don't have the energy to discuss this all over again."

"Then don't touch me again."

"I'm not touching you! If I was to touch you, then I'd do it like this." And he grabbed my right breast.

I screeched and slapped at his hand. "Stop it!"

Aragorn was chuckling behind us. "Perhaps when we reach Lake-Town, the two of you would care to get a room."

"You stay out of this," I briefly shot back over my shoulder.

Legolas leaned toward my ear. "I might consider Aragorn's suggestion if you beg me."

"Not on your best day."

"Ha, I know you desire me. I can sense it."

"What you sense is my growing dislike of this conversation."

"If you say so."

How dare he insist that I desired him? Even if it were true…which it was…he had no right to point it out to me. I knew my own feelings.

And so we rode on in glorious silence.

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Loved it? Hated it? Let me know, please. Thanks. 


	4. The Best Soup in LakeTown

_A/N – This chapter contains an brief Abbott and Costello "Who's On First" type skit. I couldn't resist. Also, thanks to everyone for all the great reviews. I honestly wasn't sure whether this story would be well-received, afterall it's way off what I normally write and it's only going to get sillier._

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Chapter 4 – The Best Soup in Lake-Town  
****(Legolas's POV)**

The ride to Lake-Town, with Merilin sitting in front of me, was far more torturous than sticking a dagger in my eye. The way her pleasantly round behind wiggled against my family jewels, I almost believed she was purposely doing it to provoke me. I would rather eat a plate of Orc toes than experience it again. If I had to, I would purchase a horse for her to ride back on…and if not, then she could take Arod and I would gladly walk all the way back to Mirkwood.

Upon our arrival, we dismounted and left our horses with a stable hand near the bridge that led into town.

"Let us get something to eat before we browse the shops," suggested Arwen.

"Great idea, Arwen," replied Aragorn. "I'm famished."

Arwen and Merilin proceeded arm-in-arm ahead of Aragorn and I.

He leaned closer to me as we walked behind them, maintaining a slight distance in order to keep a watchful eye on things. "You need to settle your differences, Legolas. Remember what your father said."

"My father can kiss Elrond's butt all he wants. I have no intention of marrying Merilin."

"What about his threat about not letting you rule Mirkwood…Eryn Lasgalen…or whatever they're calling it nowadays?"

I grabbed his arm and slowed his steps. "When have you ever known me to desire kingship? Tis such a boring role. I cannot pretend to be pompous and almighty."

He frowned at me. "Are you calling me pompous?"

Perhaps it was a poor choice of words since Aragorn was now a king himself. "Nay, of course not. You're not lordly."

His jaw dropped. "Then, do tell me, what am I?"

I could not stop my eyes from rolling for initiating this. "Aragorn, can we please get back to the issue at hand?"

"Not until you tell me what you think me to be."

"You are Strider, a ranger. And you will always be a ranger to me."

He smiled. "That's better. For a moment I thought you would say I was a court jester."

That made me laugh. "Nay, you are not that funny." Then I regretted the words after I spoke them.

"Oh, is that right? I'll have you know my wife thinks I am very funny."

I watched Arwen and Merilin up ahead as they approached a tavern. Merilin bent to address a small boy near the entrance. By the time Aragorn and I arrived, she turned to me with a silly smile and followed Arwen inside.

Aragorn stopped me with a hand on my arm. "Follow my lead when I initiate the conversation at our table."

I gave him a nod. "Very well." Then I was curious as to what he would say.

The tavern was loud with raucous talk and laughter that nearly drowned out the music played by three musicians in a corner. A group of Beornings were standing near one side of the bar, drinking ale and studying the rest of the patrons. One Beorn met my gaze and with a black-toothed grin raised his mug of ale in my direction.

I acknowledged him with a slight nod of my head. Did he recognize me? It made no difference. There were many in Lake-Town that would recognize me as the son of the Mirkwood king. No one would dare cause trouble.

Our hostess led us to a table and my traitorous friend decided to sit beside his wife and left me to sit beside Merilin. She scowled at me as if I had planned it that way. "Would you prefer I sit at another table?" I asked in irritation.

"If that would not be too much trouble," she replied with a false smile.

Well, I wasn't about to give her the satisfaction. I took the seat beside her which was directly across from Aragorn.

The tavern wench walked over with four mugs of ale, which she placed on the table in a rather harsh manner. Her look was that of pure boredom. "What'll you have?"

"The last time I was here they served a cold soup," said Arwen.

"That's all we serve, milady," replied the wench. "Four soups then." She walked away, then roughly pushed a patron away as he tried to grab her waist. He stumbled backward and landed on a chair which immediately broke beneath his weight.

I turned to Arwen. "Nice place."

"Why did she ask what we wanted when all they serve is soup?" asked Merilin.

"Arwen," began Aragorn. "You will never guess what Thranduil has asked of Legolas."

I imagined this was the conversation Aragorn had informed me to follow along with.

When all eyes were on Aragorn, he continued. "Legolas was told to wed by the time the snows come."

Arwen gasped and turned to look at me. "Truly?"

I could see from the corner of my eye that Merilin also appeared as shocked as Arwen. Now that I knew where Aragorn was headed, I could barely contain myself. "Nay, he did not tell me, he demanded it of me." So the plan was to make her jealous. My ranger friend was brilliant.

"And what are you going to do?" asked Arwen.

"Well, I must obey my father."

"Who will you wed?"

I rubbed my chin as if in deep thought. "There are so many to choose from." I had to contain my laugh as I saw Merilin's cheeks redden in anger. "And I'm most certain any one of them would jump at the chance to rule Mirkwood by my side."

Aragorn snapped his fingers. "You've been quite partial to that dark-haired elleth from your realm. What is her name? You told me but I can't seem to remember it."

"Ninniach."

"Tis no wonder you cannot remember it," commented Merilin. "Such a stupid name."

"I don't care what her name is. My only concern is that she is pleasing to my eyes and she worships the ground I walk on."

Merilin snorted in disgust. "You might as well marry one of your father's hounds, for only a four-legged creature would worship you in such a manner."

"You obviously don't know Ninniach. She would do anything for me…and has, now that I think of it."

Merilin snorted again as she took a drink from her mug. "She is a dog," she mumbled.

I pretended to ignore her remark as the tavern wench carried four large bowls of soup to our table, spilling some of the contents along the way. I wondered why the proprietor of the tavern continued to employ such a terrible server. Without a single kind word to acknowledge whether we wanted anything else, she walked away. I stared at the bowl in front of me, which contained a thick white fluid with pieces of what looked to be carrots. Not wanting to be the first to try it, I waited for Aragorn. He picked up his spoon and began to shovel the soup into his mouth. A sound of pleasure came from him, so I imagined the soup was good to eat.

"Look there," announced Merilin. "Is that King Éomer of Rohan?"

We all looked up and turned to where Merilin was pointing.

"Where?" I asked.

"Oh, my mistake," Merilin replied after a moment and when I turned to her she quickly proceeded to eat her soup.

"What would Éomer be doing here? Besides, he would have sent word to me if he was passing through Mirkwood." I lifted my spoon and slipped it into the bowl. As I began to lift it out, I felt a weight upon it, perhaps a potato. But what I found was no spud. It was dark and slimy and stared back at me with beady eyes. I dropped it back into the bowl with a splash. "I cannot eat this."

"Legolas, the matron of this tavern truly prides herself in this soup," said Arwen.

I narrowed my brows in her direction. "I don't like unidentifiable things in my food."

Aragorn barked out a laugh. "Tis only carrots and potatoes. Come, my friend. You have eaten far worse during the fellowship."

I shook my head. "I highly doubt it." When I turned to Merilin, she again quickly resumed eating. She looked suspicious. Everyone else resumed eating. I decided to try it again, just to see what it was. My spoon caught the heavy thing and when I lifted it out of the cold soup, its throat ballooned and a strange sound came from it. I dropped it back into the bowl and found all eyes upon me. "What?" I asked.

"There are ladies present, Legolas," Aragorn scolded.

"What're you talking about?"

"You made an obscene sound."

"I did not!" I pointed an accusing finger at my bowl. "There's something in my soup."

Aragorn shook his head and returned to his meal.

I clenched my teeth and stared at my bowl. Determined to discover what was in my soup, I retrieved it with my spoon again…and it made that horrible sound once again and jumped from my spoon back into the bowl.

Aragorn dropped his spoon and gave me a dirty look. "Legolas…"

A large-boned woman stepped up to our table. "Good morning to you, Lords and Ladies. I hope you are enjoying your meal." She chuckled. "I do not need to brag that my soup is the best in Lake-Town. It speaks for itself."

I could not stop the words that spilled from my mouth. "You can say that again." With a smile, the matron walked away. Suddenly the creature in my soup hopped out of the bowl and proceeded across the edge of the table before leaping off. And then Merilin was laughing rather hysterically. I turned a suspicious eye to her. "You put that in my bowl."

She was laughing so hard she could barely speak. "You…you should have seen…the look on your face…when that frog was staring up at you."

A frog? I pushed the bowl away from me. "I don't care much for frogs in my soup."

Following the meal that I never had an opportunity to even taste, we left the tavern and began to walk toward the center of town where the markets were.

"Prince Legolas! Prince Legolas!"

I turned to find a Mirkwood messenger running toward me.

He was out of breath when he reached me and I patiently waited until he could speak. "I have a message from the healer."

Aragorn came up beside me. "What is it?"

"He asks that you visit the apothecary while you are here and replenish the herbs listed on this parchment." He handed the scrap of paper to me. "He is very adamant that you speak to the proprietor."

"Do you know the proprietor?" I asked the messenger as I scanned over the list.

"Aye, he is a friend of mine."

I looked up at the messenger. "Tell me his name."

Messenger: "Wen."

Legolas: "Now."

Messenger: "Now what?"

Legolas: "Now. Tell me now."

Messenger: "I just did."

Legolas: "You didn't."

Messenger: "I did."

Legolas: "When?"

Messenger: "Exactly."

Legolas: "Exactly? But you didn't tell me."

Messenger: "I did."

Legolas: "Then tell me again."

Messenger: "Wen."

Legolas: "I'm asking right now."

Messenger: "I know you are."

Legolas: "Well, are you going to tell me?"

Messenger: "Wen."

Legolas: "Right now."

Messenger: "I just told you his name."

Legolas: "I obviously missed it."

Messenger: "Wen."

Legolas: "Just now. You said you told me just now."

Messenger: "I did."

Legolas: "Do you or do you not know the proprietor's name?"

Messenger: "I told you he was a friend of mine, so of course I know his name."

Legolas: "Well, what's his name?"

Messenger: "Nay, Waat is the name of the fisherman."

Legolas: "Now how should I know his name? Why are you bringing him up?"

Messenger: "You brought him up first."

Legolas: "When?"

Messenger: "That's the owner of the apothecary."

Legolas: "But that's what I'm trying to find out. What's his name?"

Messenger: "That's the fisherman."

Legolas: "Why are you bringing the fisherman into the conversation again?"

Messenger: "My Lord, you brought him up."

Legolas: "I didn't. I'm just trying to find out the name of the apothecary owner. Who is it?"

Messenger: "Woo owns the tavern."

Legolas: "Now how did he get into all of this? Stop changing the subject."

Messenger: "You changed it first."

Legolas: "Let's try this a different way. You pay the owner of the apothecary for some medicinal herbs. Who gets the coins?"

Messenger: "Nay, Woo gets the coins from the tavern."

Legolas: "I'm not asking about the tavern. I'm asking about the apothecary."

Messenger: "Well, don't change the names around."

Legolas: "I don't have any names to change anything around. All I'm trying to do is find out who owns the apothecary. Does he have a wife?"

Messenger: "Naturally."

Legolas: "Would it be possible to speak to Naturally then?"

Messenger: "That is not her name."

Legolas: "You just said it was."

The Messenger shook his head.

Legolas: "Tell me her name."

Messenger: "Tamara."

Legolas: "Why not today?"

Messenger: "Because that isn't her name."

Legolas: "What isn't her name?"

Messenger: "Precisely."

Legolas: "I didn't say it was. But while we're on her, her husband's name is…"

Messenger: "Wen."

I threw up my arms. "We're back to this again."

Messenger: "I can't help it if you're not understanding what I'm saying."

Legolas: "What is the name of the apothecary owner?"

Messenger: "Waat owns the tavern."

Legolas: "I said I don't care about him."

Messenger: "Then why did you mention his name?"

Legolas: "I said his name?"

Messenger: "Aye, you did."

Legolas: "If I said his name, then who did I say owns the tavern."

Messenger: "That's right."

Legolas: "What's right?"

Messenger: "Waat is the name of the fisherman."

Legolas: "How did we get back to him?"

Messenger: "You just said his name."

Legolas: "How could I say his name if I don't even know it?"

Messenger: "Waat is his name."

Legolas: "I don't know, I'm asking you. Can we just go back to the apothecary owner, please? What's his name?"

Messenger: "Why do you insist on putting him in the apothecary?"

Legolas: "For the love of the Valar, are you an imbecile?"

Messenger: "I'm only trying to give you his name."

Legolas: "Whose name?"

Messenger: "I told you, he owns the tavern."

Legolas: "Who owns the tavern?"

Messenger: "Precisely."

Legolas: "Finally I have a name."

Messenger: "Who?"

Legolas: "Precisely. He owns the tavern?"

Messenger: "Woo owns the tavern."

Legolas: "I just told you."

Messenger: "Nay, you said Precisely owns the tavern."

Legolas: "That's because you told me it was the owner's name."

Messenger: "Nay, I didn't. I said Woo."

Legolas: "It doesn't matter because I don't care about the tavern owner. Who do I speak to at the apothecary?"

Messenger: "Nay, you speak to Wen."

Legolas: "What do you mean when?"

Messenger: "That's his name."

Legolas: "That's his name?"

Messenger: "Aye."

Legolas: "So I speak to That."

Messenger: "Not that."

Legolas: "You just told me his name was That."

Messenger: "I said no such thing."

Legolas: "Well, tell me the name you said."

Messenger: "Wen."

I shook my fist in his face. "Now look, I don't want to have to hurt you."

The messenger backed away. "I pride myself on my job, my Lord."

"Good, let's see if I can get this straight. Who owns the tavern, What is the fisherman and When owns the apothecary."

He raised an arm in defeat. "Now you have it!"

"Now I have it? I don't even know what I'm talking about!"

"But you said it perfectly."

I turned to Aragorn with a sigh. "He's getting on my last nerve. Will you handle this?"

"Tis obvious the proprietor's name is Wen," concluded Aragorn.

I stared at my friend with my mouth open and then walked away shaking my head. Either my head was turning into mush or everyone around me was conspiring to drive me insane.

* * *

_I thought it would be easier if instead of saying Legolas said this and the Messenger said that, I just put their names in front of the dialogue so you know who said what…or who…or when…LOL. _


	5. She Had a Tooth

_A/N – Thanks again for the great reviews. I hope this isn't getting too silly for anyone._

_Disclaimer – I don't own anything except the lovestruck elleth named Merilin. Tolkien's probably rolling in his grave at the abuse I'm putting his beloved characters through._

**

* * *

Chapter 5 – She Had a Tooth  
****(Merilin's POV)**

With my arm wrapped around Arwen's we walked through the center of the bustling market stands. Most of the vendors were selling fish caught fresh in the morning. Others sold a variety of other foods they cooked on the spot.

I stole a brief glance over my shoulder to where Legolas and Aragorn were walking several steps behind us. "Do you think Legolas is angry with me for putting the frog in his soup?"

"If there's one thing I know about Legolas, his anger never lasts long."

"Do you happen to know this Ninniach, the elleth he intends to marry?" I asked with a growl.

Arwen giggled. "Merilin, do you not see the ruse?" She leaned closer to whisper in my ear. "I happen to know Ninniach and she is happily married and with child."

I gasped. "Then he schemes against me. Why?"

"To make you jealous, my friend."

"I am not jealous," I said quickly before shrugging indifferently. "I am merely curious."

Arwen giggled again. "And a very poor liar."

"Well…all right, I am jealous. I cannot stand it when he flirts with others. It sends me into a world of bitter hatred for him and everything he stands for."

"But you see he does it to prove you love him. Why do you allow it to happen?"

"He doesn't know I love him," I said with a quick shake of my head.

"Aye, Merilin, he does know."

"I have done nothing to make him think I have feelings for him."

Arwen gave me a look that led me to believe she thought I jested. "I think you play his game and see how he reacts when you are flirtatious with another."

"Arwen, you are brilliant." I grinned at her. "Watch as I work my magic."

**

* * *

(Legolas's POV) **

"She would have me consume the filth of a frog, the little deviant." I seethed.

Aragorn chuckled. "You must admit, it was quite clever of her. I, for one, would never have thought of such a prank."

"Fine, I will give her this small victory. But she will regret it before the day is done."

"I think telling her you plan to wed Ninniach will have her stewing for awhile."

"Aye, but I should have thought better when I picked Ninniach."

"Why?"

"She is already wed and with child."

"Merilin doesn't know that."

"Aye, but Arwen does."

Aragorn slapped his forehead. "Ai! Arwen cannot keep a secret."

I rubbed my chin. "But I wonder why didn't Arwen say anything in the tavern?"

He snapped his fingers. "That is because she is undoubtedly in allegiance with Merilin. I bet my crown she has already told her everything. I am certain they will pretend to go along with it until you are forced to confess the deception, so be on your guard."

"Aye, she doesn't know that I know she knows."

"Exactly."

I grabbed Aragorn's arm and motioned toward Merilin. "Look at this." At first I thought she had merely been leaning to pick up a particular fruit on a wagon. Then I saw her smiling and batting her eyelashes at a man near the wagon. He was a foul-looking Corsair. Of all the men in the market, she had to choose a Corsair to flirt with? Why Celeborn and my father chose to exchange peace treaties with the Corsair sovereign was a mystery to me.

Aragorn shook his head in disgust. "Looks to me like she's flirting with that Corsair."

And from the looks of it, the Corsair seemed quite interested in the fair elleth. I was about to approach and tell the Corsair to move along when I saw Merilin casually sneak a look in my direction. Aha, she wanted to make sure I was watching this. Well, two could play the game. I smoothed my hair and walked toward a woman with her back to me as she stood in front of a vendor selling rugs.

Merilin quickly lost interest in the Corsair to observe me and I would definitely show her I was desirable to anyone whose path I crossed.

I cleared my throat and leaned toward the woman. "My Lady, I was admiring you from afar. The way your hair glistens in the sunlight. The way your gown clings to your feminine curves." From the corner of my eye, I saw Merilin put her hands on her hips and scowl in my direction. "Will you allow me the courtesy to look upon your fair face?"

The woman turned around and graced me with a smile. Only she wasn't as fair as I thought she would be. In fact I would have mistaken her for an Orc if I wasn't convinced one would never have gotten passed the guards at the bridge. Her faced was wrinkled with age and her eyes were glazed over in near-blindness. "So you like what you see, my Lord?" She continued to grin and batted her eyelashes at me in what I imagined was seductive.

I swallowed the bile that had risen from my stomach and inwardly cringed at the grotesque looking woman. "Forgive me, madam, I mistook you for someone else. If you'll excuse me…" I moved away as quickly as my feet could carry me.

Unfortunately Merilin had also seen the woman and now she laughed outwardly.

I walked up to her and grabbed her by the arm to pull her away from the Corsair. "Enough of this foolishness, Merilin."

She tried to pull her arm out of my grip. "Unhand me, Legolas."

"Stop flirting right under my nose."

"I should say the same for you." But then she laughed again. "At least mine had teeth."

"Mine had teeth," I defended. But then I recalled the woman's haggard grin and shuddered. "Well, she had one."

"Excuse me!"

The voice behind me made me freeze. With a sigh, I turned around to face the Corsair and released Merilin. Not wanting to start any trouble in the market, I approached the Corsair who eyed me distastefully. "Do yourself a favor, my friend, stay away from that one."

The Corsair wasn't convinced. "Why should I listen to you? The Lady was interested in me."

I sighed again and placed a hand around his shoulders to speak in quieter tones. "Look, she's not worth your trouble. I didn't want to mention this, but I have no choice. She has an incurable disease."

He bared his stained teeth at me. "What kind of disease?"

"You know, down there."

The Corsair gave me a questioning look before he realized what I spoke of. Then he glanced in Merilin's direction, a revolted look on his face.

I felt I was getting through to him. "I mean, you don't want that to happen to you. An upstanding warrior like yourself. Things shriveling up and falling off."

He turned an eye to me and cringed in horror. "Perhaps you are right. I do not need that kind of trouble."

I smiled as the Corsair cast a final horrified look toward Merilin and then quickly departed, pushing people aside to get away. I beamed with pride as I strode to Merilin.

"Where is he going?" she asked. "What did you say to him?"

I gripped her arm again to lead her on.

"For your information, I was having a pleasant conversation with him," she said in annoyance.

"There's nothing pleasant about a Corsair."

"Am I to understand you are a Corsair expert?"

"You can say that. If you must know, Corsairs don't converse. They annihilate. But if that type of behavior suits you, then perhaps I should take you back to him."

Merilin managed to pull her arm out of my hand this time. She lifted her nose at me. "That will not be necessary. I have other matters to attend to anyway." She stomped away from me.

Aragorn stepped up beside me to watch her depart. "You have to admire her spunk."

I raised my hands and clenched my teeth. "I just want to wrap my hands around her throat and…" I squeezed my hands together to demonstrate.

He slapped me on the back. "That's the way to handle it, Legolas. Some females actually prefer their partners to have a violent streak."

I lowered my hands and turned to him with an open mouth. Was he serious? "I'll have you know she's the one with the violent streak, not me. Did you not see how she kicked me when I rescued her from certain death on our way here?"

"Then you should consider yourself lucky, my friend. Females with a violent streak make outstanding bed partners." He walked away to follow the girls.

I was left standing with my mouth open. "The world is against me," I said as I threw my arms up in defeat.

**

* * *

(Legolas's POV) **

Aragorn and I decided to wait outside the dressmaker's shop, fearing that we would have been forced to watch Arwen and Merilin parade in hideous gowns and been forced to tell them what we thought. I would rather eat glass.

While he smoked his pipe, I tried to remain on the opposite side of where the wind blew so I wouldn't have to inhale any of his smoke. "Even if I did ask Merilin to marry me and she happened to accept, which I know she won't, she would put me through an eternity of misery."

"You're so sure of it?"

"You see how she is. She defies me at every opportunity."

"And you think Arwen doesn't? If you must know, she has defied me from the moment I first met her. Yet I love her for that spirit. I would not have it any other way." He lowered his pipe. "Would you have a mate who is subservient and obeys whatever whim you fancy? Or would have an elleth with passion in her heart and fire that rivals Mount Doom?"

I rolled my eyes. "Perhaps you should write tales for lovers, Aragorn."

"If you hadn't been so intoxicated last night you would have remembered the passion between you."

"If I hadn't been so intoxicated I wouldn't be in the predicament I find myself in today."

"So you wouldn't have bedded Merilin, even if she seduced you first?"

I folded my arms. "She could have been lying naked on the dining table where I sat and I would have just eaten around her." I said it with conviction, but the image alone caused my leggings to feel a bit tighter, so I was fooling no one.

Aragorn laughed and shook his head. "I am more likely to believe you would have eaten off of her, than around her. Or perhaps you would have eaten her…"

I held a hand up. "Stop, please. I know what you're going to say and I honestly don't want to think about that image." But the damage was done and I groaned at the thought.

"Too late?"

I nodded and began to take deep breaths, something the healer had taught me during times of stress. In through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth. But that only made me feel light-headed and I nearly lost consciousness.

"Curses," said Aragorn. "Here comes the tapestry vendor. He's always trying to get me to buy his wall hangings."

"So what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, it's just that I can never understand what he's saying." Aragorn's disgruntled look immediately changed to a look of delight. "Well, look who's here. How are you, Rasman?"

The bearded man grinned and laughed as he shook Aragorn's hand. "Ben gutin fir sic tom oraf enig. Yah?"

Aragorn shrugged and nodded. "Right, right. I know how that is."

Rasman continued. "Denne trew dat cockmammy biroff dawag an I tolem to craminit for da secon tam in a centry. Coyou beleed dat cockmammy lilrug." He chuckled uncontrollably.

Aragorn elbowed my ribs and we immediately started laughing with him.

Then Rasman turned to me with a sly grin and pointed a finger. "Tisis te princwit num. I arept sepro foe yunders. Ha ha ha. Ist incort?"

I smiled and nodded. "Sure, right."

The man grabbed my hand and shook it happily before he laughed even harder and walked away.

"Did you catch any of that?" asked Aragorn.

"Not a word," I replied.

"For all I know, I might have just purchased two thousand tapestries from him."

"And I just agreed to marry his oldest daughter." We exchanged looks. "We better go inside before he comes back."

The elderly shop owner was seated on a bench, busy threading a needle through a gown on her lap. She looked up when we entered and gave us a smile. "The ladies are in back trying on gowns."

Aragorn and I stepped into the back room and found a small area with benches. Along the wall were a number of doors, obviously leading to changing rooms.

One of the doors opened and Arwen poked her head out. "Ah, there you are." She motioned to Aragorn with her finger. "I need you for a moment."

I sat at one of the benches while Aragorn entered the changing room with Arwen and closed the door. Then I heard giggling coming from their general direction. Wonderful. They were having a playful romp. How rude.

"Arwen?" came the voice from another changing room. It was Merilin.

"Aye?" came Arwen's response between giggles.

"Can you help me with this gown?"

"Give me a moment, Merilin." Then I heard her whisper something, followed by more giggles.

Hm, Merilin needed help with her gown. A wicked idea began to form in my fogged mind. I smiled to myself and got up to approach the door from which Merilin's voice came from. I opened the door and entered the changing room.

Merilin stood with her back to me…her completely bare back…and she fussed with the sleeves of the gown, trying to keep it from sliding down her shoulders. "I cannot reach the fasteners at the back."

I stepped up behind her and without a word began to fasten the clasps, starting from the bottom. I could have kicked my own behind for putting myself through this torture. She wore nothing beneath the gown and my traitorous groin was screaming for mercy. Unfortunately for me, my hands had a will of their own and before I could stop myself, I brushed the back of my fingers down along her spine.

Her skin immediately prickled and she squirmed with a laugh. "Arwen, cut that out. You know I'm very ticklish." Then she turned around, thinking her friend was standing behind her. The moment she saw me, her face changed first into a look of disbelief and then anger. She whirled around to fully face me, holding her gown up. "How dare you sneak up on me while my back is turned?"

"You said you needed help with your fasteners," I defended.

"I called for Arwen, not you!"

"Arwen's a bit…preoccupied at the moment."

"In what manner is she preoccupied?"

A female moan and a male groan drifted through the wall. I looked around, pretending to wonder about the source of the obscene sounds.

Merilin stared at me in anger, as if I had something to do with the ranger and his wife fornicating in the other changing room. "Get out," she finally said.

"What if I don't want to get out?" I stepped toward her.

Her face changed once again as she stumbled backward. Now she seemed unsure of the situation, which was exactly how I wanted it to be. "So…so what do you think of this gown?"

I smiled, knowing she was trying to divert my attention elsewhere. "I hate it." I moved closer to her and she found herself against the wall. "Take it off."

She barked out a laugh. "You wish."

I leaned toward her. "Aye, I wish." Her lips beckoned me as her breath came out in small gasps.

"What're you doing?"

Instead of responding with words, I claimed her lips in a searing kiss. I felt it in my knees, so I imagined she was feeling it as well. My goal was to kiss her senseless, just as Aragorn suggested. I would have her desperately wanting more…nay, begging for more on her hands and knees. But I wasn't quite ready for that commitment. I reached for her hands and drew them behind her back. Her perky breasts were pressed against my chest and I forced my mind to think about dismembering Uruk-hai to keep my elfhood from responding. There was just one small task to accomplish. When I was satisfied with the result, I pulled away from Merilin.

She looked startled, either at her lack of control over her reaction to me, or perhaps because I actually released her without any further action. It took a moment, but then she discovered what I had done.

I smiled in triumph as she tried to pull her arms forward, but couldn't because I had tied her sleeves together behind her back. I blew her a kiss and backed toward the door.

"Legolas Greenleaf, you brute! Untie me!"

"Tis retribution for putting a frog in my soup."

She growled in rage at me.

And because I feared her violent tendencies, I quickly exited the changing room and turned to see if she was following me. When I turned forward again, the door of the other changing room swung open and as my head slammed into it, I saw stars before I found myself lying flat on my back.

So much for my command of the situation.

* * *

_Please review and let me know what you think._


	6. A Lumpy Forehead

_A/N – I'm not expecting this story to be much longer, but I have to admit, I am having a blast writing this. _

**

* * *

Chapter 6 – A Lumpy Forehead  
****(Merilin's POV)**

Rather than trying to untie the sleeves Legolas had so effectively tied, I slid out of the dress and quickly slipped my own back on. Then I rushed out of the changing room to see what the commotion was about. There was Legolas, lying flat on his back on the floor, another red welt forming on his forehead to match the one he previously received earlier this morning when he struck the planter in the king's hall. Arwen was trying to calm down the proprietor who was in tears at seeing the prince lying on the floor. And Aragorn appeared with a glass of water which I thought he would give to Legolas, but then drank himself.

I pushed the ranger out of the way and knelt on the floor behind Legolas's head. His eyes were glazed over. Either he was knocked unconscious or he was in reverie…which seemed odd to me after such a blow to the head. I raised his head on my lap and patted his cheek. "Legolas? Can you hear me?" When he didn't respond, I lowered my face beside his and whispered in his ear. "Can you hear me now?"

"He will be fine, Clarin," Arwen said as she bustled the dressmaker out of the back room. "Please, go back to your sewing." Then I heard her coaxing Aragorn back in the changing room. "Come, Aragorn, let us leave them alone."

"Legolas, please wake up." I patted his cheek again. "I'm sorry for everything. I truly am. I don't know why I am this way. I don't know why I am so jealous when it comes to you." And I didn't know why I was confessing in such a way. It was as if my mind and my lips were not thinking together. "If you wake up, I promise I won't be a pest any longer and I promise I will admit that I love you." He was unconscious anyway, so it didn't matter what I said to him.

**

* * *

(Legolas's POV) **

Her soft lips pressed against the throbbing spot on my forehead. "I love you. Please, wake up."

Unable to maintain my immobile state any longer and afraid that I wouldn't be able to suppress a smile if she said anymore, I took a deep breath and when I moved, she quickly released me. I managed to get up on my feet and rubbed my sore forehead as I watched relief flood her face. "What happened?" I innocently asked.

But the look of relief was short-lived. "The front of your fat head came in contact with a door." Merilin put her hands angrily on her hips. "Serves you right for what you did to me."

I was about to defend myself but she wouldn't let me speak.

She came up to me, practically shooting fire out of her nostrils. "Don't you ever touch me like that again, Legolas Greenleaf! And another thing…" She slapped her palm against my forehead, right where it hurt.

"Ow!" I cried out and frowned at her, wondering whatever happened to her affectionate words of love to me.

"That's what you get for kissing me!" Then she spun around and stomped back into the changing room, slamming the door closed.

I rubbed my forehead in anger, thinking about breaking down the door, carrying Merilin out into the street and dropping her down the well. But if I did that then who would torment me for the rest of my immortal life? I leaned back against the wall. Why, Elbereth, did my heart feel for her? I didn't want to be in love with her.

"Are you still out there, Legolas?" Merilin called out from her changing room. Her tone had magically lost its vehemence.

I stared at the door with a frown. "Nay, he's gone out to have his head removed and examined."

"Would you be a dear and get me something cold to drink?"

A cold drink? I'd give her a cold drink…perhaps I would toss her in the well afterall. But I knew if I voiced my thoughts, then Merilin would tell Elrond I was a threat to her precious life. I turned to face the wall and bounced my forehead against it, which only reminded of the painful lumps.

"Legolas?" Merilin called out again.

"I heard you! Give me a minute!" I rubbed my forehead and then started slamming my fist on the other changing room door. "You've had enough time in there, Ranger. Get out here!"

The door opened and this time I jumped out of the way. Aragorn stepped out, his shirt clasped wrong and his hair disheveled on one side. "What? I was just getting started. What's the problem?" he asked.

I grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him out of the back room. "She's killing me, Aragorn."

"From the looks of those welts on your forehead, I'd have to agree with you."

"I'm not talking about my cursed forehead."

We stepped out of the dressmaker's shop and headed for a stand that sold cold beverages.

"I did it your way," I told Aragorn as the vendor poured wine in two mugs. "I kissed her."

Aragorn took one of the mugs. "And what was her reaction?"

I took the other mug and we walked back toward the dressmaker's shop. "Before or after I tied her sleeves together?"

He stopped in his tracks and glared at me. "At what point did I tell you to tie her sleeves together?"

I looked away and innocently shrugged. "Well, I was improvising, so I thought I'd…"

"Right, tie her sleeves together. Oh, that surely must have melted her in your arms."

"Nay, not exactly."

Aragorn rolled his eyes. "For someone who's nearly three thousand years old, I can't believe you don't have a clue about females by now." He started back toward the shop.

"I resent that. For your information I've been with plenty of females." Two to be exact, but I wasn't about to tell him that.

**

* * *

(Merilin's POV) **

I stepped out of the changing room and found Arwen sitting on one of the benches. "Did you find any gowns you liked?"

She shrugged. "Not really."

I sat down beside her. "But of course, you were far too busy with other things."

She shrugged again with a smile. "So what happened with Legolas?"

"He came into the changing room, pretending he was you."

Her interest was peaked. "Then what happened?"

"He kissed me."

"You see? I told you he knows you love him."

"Well, he doesn't know that I know he knows that I know."

Arwen groaned outloud in frustration. "This is truly becoming a chore, Merilin. Why can't you two just admit you're in love and be done with it?"

"Because I am not that easy."

She laughed. "Perhaps not before last night."

I gasped. "You are well aware of the quantity of miruvor I consumed."

"Aye, but let's not forget miruvor enhances what one already feels. You and Legolas have harbored amorous feelings for one another for a long time. The miruvor only brought it out into the open. And quite honestly, your heart is an open book lately."

I covered my face with a hand. "I hate that you know me so well."

Legolas and Aragorn walked in at that moment, each carrying a mug they held out to Arwen and I.

I took mine from Legolas and stood up. Then I gulped the entire contents of the mug and handed it back to him.

He stared at the empty mug. "So you were thirsty then?"

**

* * *

(Legolas's POV) **

A bit later we stepped into the apothecary and an elderly man immediately greeted us.

"Welcome to my shop," he said with a smile. "Are you interested in Kingsfoil? I carry three different varieties."

I handed him the parchment given to me by the idiot messenger and curiously stared at the proprietor. "Tell me your name."

"Wen."

I nodded. "I had a feeling you were going to say that. Never mind. It's not important for me to know afterall."

The proprietor glanced at the items on the list. "I have all of these. It will take me a moment to gather them."

"Take your time," I replied. Then I started walking around like the others, glancing at the items on the shelves. My eyes wandered over to where Merilin stood. She picked up a jar and removed the lid. I watched with amusement as she brought the jar up to her nose to sniff the contents.

When Merilin lowered the jar, something white was on the tip of her nose. Then she suddenly sneezed and the powdery contents of the jar flew in every direction. She quickly closed the empty jar and placed it back on the shelf, glancing toward the shopkeeper to make sure he hadn't seen what she had done. What she didn't know was that the powder was now all over her face.

I clamped down on my tongue to keep from laughing. Luckily Arwen approached her and wiped the powder before the shopkeeper could see.

Aragorn cleared his throat, drawing my attention. He motioned me over with his head and I walked over to see what he had in his hand. The label on the jar was written in Elvish. "Tis an aphrodisiac," he said from the corner of his mouth.

"What do you mean to do with it?" I whispered back.

"Not me, you."

"Me? I don't need that."

"Just go along with me." He cleared his throat once again. "I say, Legolas, this would come in handy on your wedding night," he said in a louder tone.

When I didn't respond, he buried his elbow into my ribs. "Oof…Oh, aye, it certainly would." From the corner of my eye, I could see Merilin and Arwen looking in our direction. "We will last a fortnight," I quickly added. When I saw them whisper to each other and then start giggling, I wondered what they laughed at. "What's funny?" I asked.

"You are," replied Merilin and she walked up to me and poked my shoulder with her finger. "You don't have to pretend anymore. I know Ninniach is already wed and with child."

Curses! Arwen had told her. "What?" I asked in surprise, pretending I didn't know. "It can't be. She professed her love to me last night." Then an even better idea came to mind. "Nay, wait a minute…that was you!" I pointed to Merilin's nose.

Merilin lifted her face in disdain. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, come on. Everybody in the kingdom heard you."

"Well…you made me say it!"

"I made you say it? Did I twist your arm? Did I put a knife to your throat? I think not." I noticed Aragorn and Arwen standing side by side, watching the exchange between Merilin and I, with smiles on their faces. The nerve of them.

Merilin put her hands on her hips. "Nay, you did not put a knife to my throat or twist my arm, but you forced me to drink the miruvor."

"How could I have forced you to drink it? You weren't even sitting anywhere near me. If I recall correctly, you were seated between Arwen's brothers."

"That's because they were protecting me."

"From whom?"

"From you!"

"Why?"

"To keep you from laying your hands on me."

I smirked. "Well, they didn't do a very good job now, did they?"

She scowled. "Are you looking for another lump on your forehead?"

"It couldn't hurt anymore than it already does."

"Would you like to bet on that?"

"I must say, this is far more entertaining than Merry and Pippin going at it," said Aragorn.

Both Merilin and I turned to him and spoke at the same time. "You keep out of this!"

**

* * *

(Merilin's POV) **

As we walked through the crowded street, Aragorn and Legolas walking a few paces behind us, I leaned toward Arwen. "Did you see the way he denied knowing about Ninniach?"

Arwen laughed. "This is a lot more fun than I thought. My guess is Aragorn must be influencing him because Legolas never lies. This is totally out of his element and he's become flustered."

"So you really think he loves me?"

"I don't think he loves you, Merilin. I know he does."

"But what about all those he courts?"

"What others?"

"Whenever I see him, whether in Mirkwood or Imladris, or even Gondor, he flirts and flirts and disappears for long periods of time. I can only imagine he beds those I see him with. Sometimes more than one in a single day."

Arwen laughed again. "My dear friend, you are so naive. Legolas has had perhaps one or two serious relationships in his life and they happened when he was in his hundreds. After that he was far too busy patrolling with his troops and had no time for romance."

"Oh please, Arwen, I cannot believe he has not had any flings since then."

"Legolas likes to brag and he religiously does so to my brothers. If he had any flings, Elladan and Elrohir would have known about it and I would have known from them. He has been with no one. If he has given you the impression that he flirts and beds every elleth or woman he sees, then he does so to make you jealous."

"I don't understand. Why does he hurt me this way when he knows I love him?"

"Because you are stubborn and won't admit to him that you love him…unless under the influence of miruvor, of course."

"I am not stubborn. I am merely set in my ways. I will never admit my love unless he admits it first."

Arwen sighed. "And unfortunately he is as stubborn as you."

Aragorn called to us and pointed to a building where weapons and armor were made. We followed him and Legolas into the shop.

We could barely move around inside. People of every size and shape filled the entire room and they were all calling out their requests to the weapon smith. He was desperately trying to hear what everyone wanted. But there didn't seem to be any semblance of order.

Finally he raised his hands. "Everyone, please! Tis not like war is upon us!"

The room grew silent.

The weapon smith lowered his hands. "Now, one at a time."

And everyone called out at the same time. The weapon smith threw his arms up in defeat.

Just then I felt a hand upon my behind and a firm squeeze followed. I opened my mouth and gasped in rage. When I turned to see who the offender was, the men standing around me were all yelling out toward the weapon smith. None of them looked at me. So which one of them had touched me?

I squeezed my way through the men to approach Legolas and announced, "I have just been violated."

He frowned at me. "What?"

"You heard me. Someone touched me."

"Where?"

"Over there," I said as I pointed to where I had been standing.

"Nay, where on your person were you touched?"

"A hand squeezed my behind."

"Well, which one of them did it?"

"I don't know."

"That doesn't help me."

"Well, are you going to do something about it?"

"Merilin, what would you have me do, fight every man in this shop?"

"Find out which one touched me."

"Of course, let me just get everyone's attention and ask, which cretin touched your behind. That'll surely have the man step forward."

"Are you going to protect my honor or not?"

"What honor?"

I gasped in anger. "Well, I never…"

"Aye, that's right, never. And another thing, never again, too."

"What never again?"

"You know what."

"Nay, I don't know what."

"Never again, that thing."

"What thing?"

"That thing!"

I put my hands on my hips and stared defiantly at him. "I have not the slightest idea what you are trying to tell me."

Legolas growled and shook his fist in my face. "I'm never going to…"

The room suddenly grew quiet.

"…make love to you again…" He froze and his eyes darted around him. All eyes were upon us. "Uh…" He suddenly pointed away. "Look there, it's Sauron!"

While everyone turned to where he was pointing, he grabbed my hand and quickly dragged me out of the shop.


	7. Bar Room Blitz

_A/N – Thanks for all the reviews. And as this story seems to be coming to me fast and furiously, here's another chapter to hold you over. Just a warning, this chapter contains some mild language. It might not exactly be what those in Middle Earth would have used, but I'm using them. Hope you enjoy. _

_Disclaimer – See chapter 1. _

* * *

**Chapter 7 – Bar Room Blitz  
****(Legolas's POV) **

I smiled when I noticed no one saw us leave the weapon shop. When I turned to Merilin, she was smiling as well. But then she realized I saw her smile and it faded as quickly as it had come.

She pulled her hand from mine as if my touch burned her flesh. "Why don't you announce it from the top of the Lonely Mountain next time…" she scolded, "…so all in Arda will know we made love."

I frowned at her. "I wouldn't have said anything if you hadn't pestered me to the bone."

"So now I'm pestering you?"

"Aye, you are a pest…and a nag."

"Well, you know what you are? You're…a…a…" She put her fists on her hips. "It's so terrible, I won't even tell you."

I barked out a laugh. "That's because you can't think of anything witty to call me. Admit it, you can't find a single thing wrong with me." It sounded terribly conceited even to my own ears, but it was too late to take it back.

She smiled without humor. "Perhaps in your own little mind are you so perfect. For your information I could have woken up with anyone last night and not necessarily you. It just so happened you stole me from another."

"Oh, let me guess. Aearon?"

"We were perfectly content dancing together until _you_ decided to cut in. I could have woken up with him, instead of you."

"Aearon wouldn't know how to find his own ass with both hands."

Merilin covered her ears. "I will not listen to anymore!"

I pulled one hand off her ear and leaned toward it. "He wouldn't know the difference between a willing elleth and an unwilling warg!"

"Stop it!"

I had a million of them and would have kept going if Aragorn and Arwen hadn't picked that moment to exit the weapon shop and walk up to us.

"Are you two having fun yet?" Arwen asked.

I turned to her with a smug smile. "We're having a spectacular time. I was just telling Merilin that Aearon is the bravest…advisor in my father's council."

"So now what?" Aragorn asked as he looked around. "Since the hour grows late, is anyone ready for another ale before we head back to Mirkwood?"

"Splendid idea, Aragorn," said Merilin as she grabbed Arwen's arm. "Let us drink ourselves into oblivion once again."

I shook my head. "Nay, bad idea. Look what happened the last time we drank too much."

"Aye, but perhaps this time we will remember what occurred," she replied and then walked away with Arwen as they giggled together.

Aragorn and I watched them. Then he bumped my chest with a hand. "Did you hear what she just said to you? Sounds like a proposition, my friend."

I smiled in disbelief. "She's probably joking." But how could I be sure? "Right?"

We exchanged a meaningful glance and then quickly turned to follow the girls.

* * *

**(Legolas's POV) **

Much later the four of us were indulging in the local ale at the tavern owned by How or Why…or Whatever. The Beornings were still there, but they had moved from the bar to a corner table to observe the rest of the place. Whoever they were suspicious of wasn't clear to me, but they kept their eyes on everyone.

It seemed the later the hour grew, the stranger and more raucous the crowd became. The tavern was quite crowded, some patrons drinking and laughing, while others tried to enjoy a quiet meal. Many of those drinking were far too intoxicated to hold a conversation, much less hold themselves up.

Conversation was never a problem between Aragorn and I, but the more we drank, the more outlandish our discussions became.

"So I think Gimli is having an affair with Revia," I stated out of the clear blue.

"Who's Revia?" asked Merilin.

"Is that not one of your hounds, Legolas?" inquired Arwen.

Aragorn had been in the process of drinking and he suddenly spit his ale all over the table. That earned him a nasty glare from his wife. He wiped his mouth with a sleeve and looked at me. "I'm certain Gimli would be thrilled that you're telling everyone," he said with sarcasm.

"Everyone?" I replied. "It's not like I did this." I stood up. "My dwarf friend, Gimli, is fornicating with a dog!" I announced to the entire tavern.

"Atta boy, Gimli," came one reply.

"Go comb your hair, pretty boy," came another reply.

I sat back down. "You see? Nobody cares."

"Uh oh." The ranger motioned with his head.

I turned to where he was motioning. A group of eight Corsairs just entered the tavern. One looked oddly familiar, although to me they all looked alike. "Perhaps they are just thirsty." Then the familiar one pointed directly at me. "Or perhaps not." I wrapped an arm around Merilin's shoulders to signify we were together.

Merilin immediately shoved me away. "What in Arda do you think you're doing?" Then she saw who was approaching our table. "Elbereth, we're going to be annihilated."

I was momentarily distracted by her trying to crawl on my lap.

"Everyone remain calm," warned Aragorn.

While the familiar Corsair came up to our table, I noticed his seven comrades strategically placing themselves for more effective coverage throughout the tavern. This was definitely a warning sign of imminent trouble. A quick glance toward the Beornings left me wondering whose side they would rally with.

"Are you here to join us for a drink, friend?" Aragorn asked the Corsair.

"I am not your friend," he said in response to Aragorn, but glaring directly at me.

I wrapped a possessive arm around Merilin and glared back at him. "You look familiar." I tapped my chin as if in thought, then snapped my fingers. "Aye, now I remember where I saw you. Weren't you pulling the horse shit cart, while your companions were cleaning it from the street?"

"Legolas…what're you doing?" Merilin asked from the corner of her mouth.

Her face was pressed against the side of mine, her arms wrapped around my neck. It was actually quite nice to have her this close. If the Corsair hadn't been there, I think I would have acted upon the sensations stirring in my groin.

"I have decided I will take this she Elf regardless of what you told me in the market earlier." He sneered. "In fact, I don't think I believe you."

I tried my best to sneer back. "She's not for you to take. She belongs to me." I was quickly regretting the decision Aragorn and I had made to leave our weapons with our horses.

"She propositioned me," the Corsair said as he clenched and unclenched the fists at his sides.

"It was merely a game to gauge your reaction. You don't truly believe that an elleth this fair would be interested in someone like you."

"I would show her what a real man can do, not some soft-skinned, flower sniffer."

I nudged Merilin away and stood up to face the Corsair. "How would you like this flower sniffer to punch your teeth down the back of your throat?"

"Perhaps I could show you what a real man feels like, as well." The Corsair blew me a kiss and grinned in a menacing manner.

I turned to Aragorn. "Do you still want me to remain calm?"

The King of Gondor shrugged indifferently. "I wouldn't let him get away with that."

"Thank you." I turned back to the Corsair and my fist made contact with his jaw.

After that it was pandemonium.

* * *

**(In third person due to the action) **

The Corsair Legolas had punched reeled backward and landed on a table where two men were eating. Their soup bowls spilled on their laps and they stood up in anger to shove him out of the way. A second Corsair spun one of the men around and punched him.

Two other Corsairs charged Legolas. Aragorn stood up to help his Elf friend. Together they threw punches at their attackers. The Beornings quickly joined in the fight. Soon everyone in the entire tavern was throwing punches. It didn't make a difference who they were fighting, it only mattered that they were.

Arwen and Merilin crawled beneath the table.

"Boys will be boys," said Arwen, in good humor.

"How long do you think this fight will last?" asked Merilin.

"It's hard to say. I've known Aragorn and Legolas to go on until at least one or both are rendered unconscious."

"But that could be for hours." Just then Merilin felt someone grab her ankles and drag her out from beneath the table. She yelped and rolled around to see her assailant. It was the Corsair she had flirted with earlier. He was terribly persistent.

The Corsair grinned, blood flowing from his mouth where Legolas had hit him. "Now I have you." He pulled Merilin up on her feet and grabbed her arm.

Merilin instinctly raised a foot and slammed it between the Corsair's legs.

The Corsair howled in a tone far higher than his normal voice and his eyes crossed.

Merilin pulled her arm out of his grip and quickly moved out of the way. Arwen was standing behind the Corsair and she kicked him in the behind with enough force to send him slamming face first into the wall. Both Arwen and Merilin turned to each other with a smile and shook hands in triumph.

Legolas ducked to avoid a punch. Then he punched another Corsair in the face, followed by a punch to the gut.

Aragorn grabbed a Corsair and sent him flying over the bar to slam into the shelf full of bottles. He calculated in his head how much the damage was going to cost him and started keeping a tally.

A Beorn grabbed Arwen by the arm and when she turned around, her sleeve ripped off. She gave the Beorn an angry look. "Look what you did to my sleeve!" She swung a fist into the man's face and sent him sailing backward. Then she turned to Merilin to show her the damage. "Look what he did!"

"The bastard!" replied Merilin. Someone stumbled in her direction. She grabbed a bottle off a table and smashed it over the man's head. Then as the man fell unconscious to the floor, she realized it was the tavern owner. "Oops. Sorry." She grabbed Arwen's arm and they quickly moved away.

Aragorn jumped up to grab the wooden chandelier. He swung himself on it and kicked a Corsair in the face before the man could jump on Legolas.

But another Corsair was there to take the other's place. He grabbed Legolas from behind, trapping his arms while another approached. Legolas pushed his legs off the floor and wrapped his ankles around the approaching Corsair's neck. With a quick move of his feet, he spun the Corsair around and slammed his heel into the back of his head. Then he slammed the back of his own head into the face of the Corsair holding him.

Aragorn jumped from the chandelier and turned around. He came face to face with a huge Corsair, at least twice his body mass and a good head and a half taller. He sighed and held up his fists. "Have you ever heard the saying, the bigger they are the harder they fall?"

The Corsair shook his head with a scowl.

Aragorn punched him in the face. It felt like hitting a brick wall and his fist throbbed. "Ow, ow, ow, ow."

The Corsair backhanded Aragorn, sending him sailing halfway across the room.

Both Merilin and Arwen jumped on the giant Corsair, their arms wrapped around him from behind. They pounded on his head with their free hands. The Corsair spun around and around, the two elleths screaming as they held on for dear life.

Aragorn regained his feet from where he landed and saw that the girls were in trouble. "Legolas!"

Legolas turned at the sound of his name and received a punch in the face. He responded by punching the man in return and then went to aid Aragorn.

The giant Corsair was dizzy from spinning around, but he kept going as he tried to dislodge the screaming she Elves clinging to his neck.

Aragorn broke a leg off a table and approached the large Corsair. He held the table leg like a bat and swung, hitting the Corsair in the gut. When that didn't seem to have any effect, Legolas picked up a heavy mug and threw it at the Corsair. It struck him right between the eyes.

The Corsair lost his footing and fell on a table, breaking it beneath his weight. Arwen and Merilin tumbled away in a tangle of arms and legs. Although slightly banged up, they were not seriously injured.

Legolas turned to Aragorn who was bent over and taking small steps. "Why are you walking funny?"

"Funny? I'm not walking funny." Aragorn straightened up with a crack of his spine and took several steps, raising his legs and feet up high. "This is walking funny."

Legolas shook his head in disgust. "Did someone drop you on your head as an infant?"

* * *

**(Legolas's POV) **

We decided on spending the night in Lake-Town, mainly because we all suffered some injuries during the brawl in the tavern and none of us welcomed a two hour ride back to Mirkwood in the dark.

I stared at the empty space behind the desk in the Inn. No one stirred in the next room, so I assumed they hadn't heard us come in through the door. "Is anyone here?" I called out. When I received no response, I slapped the top of the desk repeatedly. "Hello! Is there anyone here?!"

That got the innkeeper's attention. He quickly came out of the next room and gasped upon seeing me. "My Lord, I…I…wasn't expecting you."

"That's because I hadn't planned on coming."

He looked over my face. "What happened?"

I wasn't about to get into a discussion with this innkeeper regarding the tussle at the tavern. "Never mind. I'll take my usual room and then I need two other rooms, please."

The innkeeper gave me a blank look. "But…my…my Lord…" he stammered. "As you know, tis the summer and…and we have many visitors. As I said, if I had known you would be staying…"

"That's fine if my usual room isn't available. I'll just take a regular room then."

"But three rooms? I…I…don't…"

My patience was wearing thin. "So what're you trying to tell me, you don't have three rooms?"

"Nay, my Lord."

"Well, how many do you have?"

"I have two."

I cringed and looked up at the ceiling. Two rooms. I imagined Aragorn and Arwen wanted their own room. That meant Merilin and I would have to share a room. I turned around to where Aragorn stood with Arwen and Merilin. All three of them looked as if they had seen better days.

"Whatever he has, Legolas, just take it," said Aragorn.

The innkeeper led us to the second level and stopped at the first room. Aragorn and Arwen stepped inside.

"Good night," said Aragorn before he closed the door.

The innkeeper continued down the corridor and stopped at the next door.

Merilin entered the room and then stared at me with her mouth open as I followed her inside. "What do you think you're doing?"

I took the key from the innkeeper and he gave me a smile as I shut the door and slid the lock in place. The prince of Mirkwood and an elleth from Imladris…sleeping together in one room. I imagined the exaggerated stories the innkeeper would tell those who had an interest in my personal life. "He had no other rooms," I informed Merilin.

She continued to stare at me. "Well why didn't you say something before. Arwen and I can share a room and you and Aragorn can have the other."

I gave her a doubtful look. "Tis unlikely they would care to sleep apart, Merilin."

"Tis more unlikely we will share a bed, Legolas."

I squinted an eye at her. "Who said anything about sharing a bed?" I began to search the drawers of a dresser for towels.

"Then where are you going to sleep?"

I glanced around the small bare room. There was one bed and a cushioned chair. "I will sleep there," I said, pointing to the chair. Then I poured water from a pitcher into a basin. When I looked toward Merilin again, she was seated at the side of the bed, bouncing on it to test the firmness of the mattress. "Did you suffer any other injuries besides that scrape on your forehead?"

Merilin quickly reached up to touch her forehead. "Where?"

I motioned her over. She stood up and walked up to me. After dipping a clean cloth in the water, I gently cleansed the scratches above her right eyebrow. "Anywhere else?"

"Nay, I am fine otherwise." She took the cloth from me. "Sit down and I will tend to your injuries."

"I can do it," I said as I tried to take the cloth back from her. But she held it away from me and motioned me to the chair. I sat down and waited for her to dampen the cloth again. When she began to tend to a cut on my left cheek, I cringed from the sting of the cloth against my torn flesh. "Ow!"

"Oh, come now, Legolas. You've suffered far worse injuries than this and survived. Tis only a tiny cut."

"Aye, but the bruise beneath the cut hurts more than the cut itself." It didn't hurt as bad as I led her to believe. But it was a small measure of satisfaction to see her attempt to be more gentle. As she continued to clean the cut, I watched her face, seeing a number of emotions pass through her. "Is there something you wish to say to me?" I finally asked her.

Merilin paused and looked me in the eye. She sighed heavily and looked away as if the very thought pained her. "If you must know, I am grateful to you for defending me."

I couldn't prevent the smile. "That must have taken a lot of pride to admit."

She gave me an angry look and tossed the cloth at my face. "Why do you have to spoil everything?" She turned her back to me.

"What did I spoil?"

"Nothing. Never mind."

"I merely acknowledged your gratitude."

She whirled around to face me again. "Nay, you spoiled the moment."

"What moment?" Then realization dawned on me. "That was a moment?"

"I should have known you would never recognize such a thing."

"If you want to give me a moment, then try something more substantial."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, try a handshake or kiss me or something."

"You're impossible!"

"Let us clear the air once and for all. I've done everything in my power over the last millennium to express my interest in you and you chose to ignore my efforts."

"You have done nothing to express your interest!"

I stood up to bring us face to face. "I've sent you flowers and baskets of fruit and gowns from various places I've visited in Middle Earth. I've openly flirted with you…and propositioned you at every opportunity. What more do you want from me?"

"If that is so, then why have I seen you continuously flirting with others?"

"I won't look at any other elleth or woman ever again! Will that make you happy?"

She crossed her arms and tapped her toe. "Why do I not believe you?"

"And you say I'm impossible? I can't give you anymore than what I've already given. Nothing will ever be good enough for you. So I give up!"

"Fine!"

I wanted to scream. She infuriated me more than anyone ever did, but I couldn't deny the excitement that fury gave me. Pursuing her was by far the toughest challenge in my entire life. I could have fought a thousand Orcs by myself in front of the Black Gates of Mordor and it would have been less difficult. In truth I would never give up my pursuit until I breathed my last breath. I still had some tricks up my sleeve. "Get in that bed before I change my mind and claim it. Then you will be the one sleeping on the chair."

With a huff, Merilin removed her shoes and crawled beneath the covers. She rolled on her side so that her back was to me.

I sat back down and removed my boots. Then just to prove I had control over the situation, I put my bare feet up on the side of the bed. She glanced over her shoulder and huffed again as she turned away.

I couldn't suppress a smile as I folded my arms across my chest and plotted my next scheme.

* * *

_Hmmmm…what do you think Legolas will do to get her to admit she loves him? _


	8. The Village Idiot

_A/N – You guys are lucky I have nothing better to do lately. LOL. So here's another chapter. _

_Warning – There's a bit of sexual content in this chapter, but nothing very descriptive. I'm leaving this with a T rating, but if there's enough interest out there, I might increase it back to M and add more mature situations. _

* * *

**Chapter 8 – The Village Idiot  
****(Merilin's POV) **

Sleep was far beyond my reach. I obviously hadn't drunk enough to send me into oblivion. But I never really wanted to be there to begin with. I had only made the comment to see how Legolas reacted. In actuality, we didn't even get the chance to drink very much. The brawl put a stop to it. Even though we suffered some minor injuries, it could have ended worse. I felt bad that it had all been my fault in the first place. If I hadn't flirted with that Corsair in the market, he wouldn't have pursued me.

Then a thought came to me. What had Legolas said to the Corsair in the market to make him run away at first? I made a mental note to inquire, not that Legolas would actually tell me what was said. He would no doubt sugar coat it. Nonetheless, Legolas had fought the Corsair to protect me.

It was so true that Legolas sent me beautiful arrangements of flowers and baskets of fruit that satisfied my craving for sweets. And the magnificent gowns he found during his travels…he sent them to me. But he could have also sent those things to others, as well. What proof did I have for what Arwen said earlier, that he hadn't been with anyone since he was in his hundreds? Two thousand years was a long time for anyone to go without some kind of intimate fulfillment. Well…that wasn't entirely true either. I had gone all of my fifteen hundred years…until last night.

Oh Valar, why couldn't I remember what happened? We might not have made love at all. Perhaps we had done some things, but not that one thing. Afterall, wouldn't there have been some telltale sign of our coupling? Wouldn't I have felt some kind of pain from it and still felt something in the morning?

A sound from behind pulled me from my thoughts. A shifting of cloth and a muffled groan.

I turned around and sat up, finding Legolas awake and looking uncomfortable in the chair. "What did you say?"

He shook his head. "I didn't say anything."

"I heard you make a sound."

"It's nothing."

"Are you in pain?"

"I am fine." He shifted in the chair and cringed with a grunt.

There was no way he could hide it from me. He truly was in pain. "Why didn't you say you were in pain? You shouldn't be sitting in that chair."

"Well, I refuse to sleep on the floor."

"I will allow you to share the bed with me if you promise not to take advantage of the situation."

He seemed to mull it over before finally standing up from the chair. "I wouldn't dream of it."

I laid down and turned my back to him again. The bed moved as he laid beneath the covers. Then complete silence followed. It was so disturbing I felt the need to make some kind of noise. So I shifted slightly…then again…and again.

"Merilin, please. Stop moving."

I suddenly sat up. "I cannot sleep."

"What if I club you over the head with that pitcher over there?"

I gave him an angry glare. "You wouldn't dare." When he moved to get up, I quickly laid back down. "I'm suddenly feeling very sleepy."

* * *

**(Legolas's POV) **

It took Merilin a couple hours before she finally drifted to sleep. I knew it because I couldn't sleep at all. Perhaps the chair would have been better. At least there I wouldn't be suffering the scent of her so close. I wasn't used to sleeping with another in my bed, or any bed for that matter. And the distance that separated us was not so great that I couldn't feel the heat that emanated from her. She could have been any female and I wouldn't have flinched at the presence beside me. But this was no ordinary female. She was Merilin…the one and only elleth I dared to say I loved.

So I suffered through the dark hours…desperately trying to control every nerve that screamed for me to reach out and touch her. The sound of her steady breathing soon lulled me to sleep.

Being a light sleeper, I felt Merilin stir sometime in the early morning hours. She shifted in the bed with a soft moan. Of all the things that could make me more uncomfortable in my own leggings, she rolled closer to me. I wondered if she was awake. But she didn't move again. I bit my lower lip and carefully scooted closer to her. When she still didn't move, I inhaled the scent that drifted so alluringly toward me.

Valar, I wanted her. When had this desperate desire for her come upon me? I had always been able to curb my reaction whenever we were in each other's company. But then again, those other times we had never been in such intimate circumstances. Aye, intimate, I was certain we had made love the previous night…or fairly certain.

Suddenly Merilin rolled even closer to face me. Her eyes were closed and she still seemed asleep. I closed my eyes and fought my desire. But things just kept getting worse and unbearable. She was practically closer to me than my own shirt. Perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad if her face hadn't been pressed up against mine.

Now what was I supposed to do? How could she possibly expect me to behave myself? Or…was she well aware of what she was doing? She was awake and testing me. And so I decided it would be easier to simply fail the test and suffer the consequences afterward. I kissed her with a lot more passion than I initially intended.

She suddenly came awake and shoved me away. The look on her face as she sat up led me to believe that perhaps she hadn't been testing me…or been awake at all. "What're you doing?"

"I was kissing you," I replied with honesty.

"You promised me you wouldn't take advantage of me."

"You made me promise not to take advantage of the _situation_. You never said anything about you."

"How dare you?"

"Oh please, you came on to me."

She gasped. "I did no such thing!"

"You were practically crawling on top of me. I was just giving you what you wanted."

Her mouth opened to speak, but no words came out. The look on her face was so priceless I truly wanted to know what she was thinking. But then it didn't matter. She flung herself at me and our lips came together in an explosion of desire and need.

In that moment of blissful lip sucking, the events that had been unremembered from the previous night of drunken sex in the Great Hall suddenly came to me in a series of flashes. Kissing and touching, tasting and feeling. There had never been anything so incredible. I wanted to experience it all over again and I wanted her to experience it as well.

Merilin clung to me, dragging us down on the bed. Our lips never came apart as we desperately fought to unclothe each other. Mine required too much work, while all I needed to do was pull the hem of her skirt up to expose her to my touch. She was like a wild woman, bent on tearing the clothes off me if she had to. I wasn't about to discourage her, even at the cost of my attire.

Her gown came off and I flung it somewhere over my shoulder. Then my shirt followed the same path. Flesh finally touched flesh and I nearly came undone on the spot. As her fingers pulled at my hair almost painfully, I fumbled between us, trying to undo my leggings.

"What is the hold up, Legolas?" she wailed.

"I am trying to hurry!" I slathered her face with my tongue, just to shut her up. At long last the ties came undone and I triumphantly pushed my leggings down. The hunt was over. It was time for the kill.

And then there was a loud banging on the door.

We both froze and stared at each other as if for the first time. "Are you kidding me?" I turned my head toward the door. "Who in blazes is it?!"

"Legolas! Open this door!"

My father…

Merilin screeched and pushed me so hard, I fell off the side of the bed with a loud thump.

"Just a minute," I calmly replied to the door before I scrambled to my feet and pulled my leggings up. While I desperately searched for my shirt, Merilin was off the bed and pulling on her gown. But I saw that she had it on inside out. "Merilin, your gown."

She looked down at herself and quickly pulled the gown back off and on again, correctly this time. Then she ran her fingers through her hair and casually sat down on the chair.

The banging continued. "For Valar's sake, Legolas, open this door this instant!"

I fumbled to clasp the front of my shirt, realizing three of the fasteners were completely gone, ripped from the fabric. With no other choice, I moved to the door. When I pushed the lock aside, the door flung open before I had a chance to do it myself. The edge struck my face and knocked me off my feet.

My father stepped inside the room, followed closely by Lord Elrond. "What goes on here?" demanded my father as he studied my disheveled appearance.

I picked myself off the floor and rubbed the side of my face. "If I ever discover the inventor of doors, I'll shoot an arrow between his eyes."

Elrond gave Merilin a cursory look and then glared at me as if I had just released the Mouth of Sauron from whatever depths he disappeared to. "Why didn't you return yesterday?"

"Hm, funny story…"

My father raised a hand to cut me off. "Never mind, I heard enough."

"But I didn't even say anything."

"I have listened to your _funny_ stories all of your life, Legolas."

"Aye, but this is not what you think." When his eyes raked over my head, I instinctly reached up to smooth my hair. Only it wasn't so easy with my warrior plaits half undone, courtesy of Merilin. Then his eyes drifted to my torn shirt. Nothing I could do about that.

"I already heard about the brawl in the tavern, so you need not elaborate." He tried to look imposing. "You are the prince of Mirkwood and such behavior is completely uncivilized. How could you be so irresponsible?"

I rolled my eyes, knowing he was about to start pointing out every single misdeed on my part, it was something he liked to do to make me feel penitent.

"Let us recall your irresponsibilities, shall we? Four years ago you nearly flooded Mirkwood when you collapsed the dam near the Grey Mountains. Just this year you purposely sent the Corsair peacekeeper into the forest and got him lost for five days…"

I smiled and laughed at recalling the incident, but then stopped as my father scowled at me.

"Let's not forget the time you dropped hot water on Lord Glorfindel from a balcony in Gondor. Or when you mistook Círdan for an Orc and shot him in the leg. Or when you stampeded a herd of mûmakil and destroyed the Harad crops for a month." He turned to Elrond. "He put a snake in Lord Erestor's bed and gave him heart palpitations for a week. Then not long ago he stole Lord Celeborn's white horse and returned him a different color." He turned back to me. "Shall I continue? This might take all day."

"In my defense, I did not drop hot water on Lord Glorfindel from a balcony in Gondor." I knew my father abhorred sarcasm, but I couldn't help myself. "It was from a rooftop."

Merilin started to laugh and then slapped a hand over her mouth.

Lord Elrond approached me and arched his brow. "Well, have you done what you vowed before you left Mirkwood?"

I tried to match the height of his brows, but it was next to impossible. "I do not recall any vow."

Elrond poked me in the chest. There had only been one spot that didn't hurt from being slammed by a door, or punched or kicked. And he found it with the tip of his finger. Now I was officially aching everywhere. "You were to ask Merilin to be your wife."

Despite the fact that Merilin was in the room, I had no choice but to voice the facts. "I told you she wants nothing to do with me."

"I'll be the judge of that," replied Elrond. He turned to Merilin. "Tell him you admire his traits."

Merilin stood up and put her hands on her hips. "Admire his traits? Like his explosive temper, or his bull-headed lack of discipline, or his horrendous attention to detail. Wait, I know…I simply adore the way he goes for weeks on patrol without so much as a single message back to anyone. We are without a doubt the worst match ever!"

Now it was my father's turn to roll his eyes. "I'll vouch for the bull-headed lack of discipline."

I ignored him and pointed to Merilin as I turned to Elrond. "You might as well call me the village idiot if you think I'm stupid enough to bond myself with this lunatic elleth."

"Who're you calling a lunatic?" she growled.

From the corner of my eye I saw Aragorn and Arwen enter the room, but my attention remained on the raging face of the elleth I loved more than life itself. "I'm calling you a lunatic because that's what you are!"

"I most certainly would be a lunatic if I ever agreed to marry you!"

"You see?" I said to Elrond. Then I headed for the door and continued rambling as I passed the others. "Females. I will never understand them if I live to be a million…if I live at all!"

From the corridor I could hear Aragorn say, "My guess is we're leaving now."


	9. The Stubbornness of Elves

_A/N – Well, this is it…the final chapter. I hope everyone has enjoyed it. I had fun writing it and who knows, maybe I'll write another comedy sometime in the future. _

**

* * *

Chapter 9 – The Stubbornness of Elves  
****(Legolas's POV)**

Air…I needed to breathe fresh air or I would suffocate from the indignity of being reprimanded by my father in front of Merilin. Not to mention needing to come down from the adrenaline of a near sexual experience. Blazing Balrogs! If we hadn't been interrupted by my father and Lord Elrond, we would probably still be going at it.

I stepped out of the main door of the Inn and quickly walked around to the back, taking in large gulps of air. And then it hit me. The smell! Ugh! I looked around at the piles of garbage along the side of the building, fermenting in the heat of the rising sun. So much for fresh air.

I retraced my steps to get away from the stench and collided into Merilin as I rounded the corner.

She had fury written all over her face. But even then I couldn't remember ever seeing anyone look so beautiful. "What exactly do you mean by calling me a lunatic?" she asked.

"Allow me to explain so even you will understand." I leaned toward her, just to intimidate her. But I didn't think she could be. "First you tell me you want nothing to do with me. Then you say you love me. Then you deny it. Then you practically crawl into my clothes. And then you say we're the worst match ever! My head is spinning from you pulling me in different directions."

Merilin crossed her arms over her chest. "I never said anything about loving you."

"You said it when we were in the dressmaker's shop when I was knocked out by the door."

"How would you know what I said if you were unconscious?"

I shrugged. "Well, I wasn't completely unconscious. I heard you say it."

"It doesn't count!" she crowed.

"Sure it does."

"I thought you were unconscious."

"But you said it anyway."

"There are a lot of things I say when I am enraged, but that doesn't mean I mean what I say."

"You don't even know what you're saying right now."

"Legolas Greenleaf, you are a bottomless well of ignorance!"

"And you are a bottomless well of lunacy!" Then the voices reached me. Before she could say another word, I grabbed her and covered her mouth with a hand. She struggled fiercely. "Shhh, keep quiet for a second."

Merilin stopped struggling and I released her. Then we both listened to the voices coming from the window above us.

"I want you both to make sure the two return to Mirkwood without further incident." This voice belonged to Elrond.

"We'll take care of it expeditiously." This came from one of the twins.

"And fast, too." This came from the other twin.

I took Merilin by the arm and pulled her away to the other side of the building, the side that didn't smell like garbage. After checking to make sure no one else was around, I turned to face her. "Did you hear that? Elladan and Elrohir are going to escort us back home."

"That is fine by me. I care not to spend another moment alone with you."

"Well, that's because you can't keep your hands off me when we're alone."

Her jaw dropped. "Tis _you_ who can't keep your hands off _me_!"

"Ha! I happen to have unrestrained self-control." Then before I knew what was happening, Merilin pulled the hem of her gown up to her neck. Of course my traitorous eyes betrayed me and reveled at the glorious naked sight before me. But it didn't stop there. My Elfhood instantly responded and if it could have spoken words, it would have said, 'please, please, bring me to her or I will shrivel up and die!' I quickly, but nonchalantly, tried to cover the growing reaction between my legs.

She smugly smiled and dropped her gown back down to cover herself. "You call that self-control?"

I frowned at her. "That's not fair! You can't just use your nakedness as a weapon."

"Why not? It proves you desire me."

"It proves nothing. I would have reacted the same with anyone."

"And then you wonder why I don't believe you wouldn't look at another?"

Arguing with her was exhausting, even for an Elf, and my own stubbornness wasn't helping the situation in the least. But I refused to continue any discussions out in the open where others might hear…even though we weren't actually out in the open at the moment or her little gown–lifting stunt would have caused many a head to turn. As soon as we were back in Mirkwood I would simply have to step up and tell her how I felt. And if she still denied her feelings for me…well then, I would just have to forget about her. "I'm going home. Are you coming with me or are you staying?"

"What about Arwen and Aragorn?"

"They can return with the others. You can do the same, if you want. But I'm leaving right now."

As I started to walk away, I hoped Merilin would follow me. But when I glanced back she was no longer standing where I had left her. I slowed my steps and thought about returning to the Inn and talking to her again. My heart told me to stop and turn back around but my feet trudged onward down the street.

It took me only a few minutes to walk to the bridge and cross it. Upon seeing me, the stable hand quickly retrieved Arod. I didn't even bother to acknowledge the young lad as I hopped up on my horse's back. Arod bolted away. I was certain he felt my agitation and wanted nothing more than to rush me home before I decided to slit my own wrists.

**

* * *

(Merilin's POV)**

My thoughts were on Legolas as I rode with the others on our return trip to Mirkwood. Arwen had given me her horse while she rode together with Aragorn ahead of us. Behind them were her brothers and behind them rode King Thranduil. My guardian and I rode side by side behind the king. Surrounding all of us was a large group of Thranduil's guards, obviously to make certain their king remained safe in case of danger.

"Thranduil will force Legolas to marry you," said Elrond.

I turned to him with a sigh. "Nay, I don't want him to be forced, please. Things will only become worse."

"Why do you insist on surmounting the friction between you and Legolas? Tis no secret he is in love with you and you with him. Even I can see that. You need only to communicate your feelings to him."

"_Adar_, I'm deathly afraid to convey my feelings to him." Elrond had been a father figure to me all of my life so it wasn't uncommon for me to call him as such. (father)

"And why would you be afraid? You have known him all of your life."

"I know. Tis so difficult to explain when I myself can't quite figure it out. Perhaps a number of things add to my fear. If I were to be his wife then I might have to rule as queen someday. Tis a prospect I am uncertain I can handle. I also fear the very thought of bearing children. But most of all…I fear I will lose him to some of the dangers that still lurk in these forests around his home."

"Nothing you said is unnatural, Merilin. Everyone has fears. Legolas most certainly has his own fears to contend with."

"But I don't like the idea of you and his father forcing him into asking for my hand."

"Tis the right thing to do."

"Why?"

"I know what occurred the night of the King's Merrymaking Ball."

I was shocked beyond words. How had my guardian discovered that Legolas and I awoke in each other's arms? "Who told you?"

"Legolas."

I narrowed my brows. "He told you? Why would he do such a thing?"

"Well, in his defense, Thranduil and I coerced him into admitting it."

"Meddling _adanadar_…" I whispered under my breath. (fathers)

"I only want what is best for you."

"I will tell you what is best for me," I said, wagging a reproachful finger at him. "Tis best if Legolas and I make our own decisions. I promise I will speak to him upon returning to Mirkwood and I promise I will be civil…if he is convivial in return."

"That is more than I can hope for," Elrond replied with a smile.

"And you will not send Elladan and Elrohir to spy on us."

He placed a hand over her heart. "Whatever gave you the idea I would do such a thing?"

As if he didn't know.

**

* * *

(Legolas's POV)**

"The King has returned from Lake-Town, my Lord," said the sentry.

I nodded a thanks and waited for him to walk away before turning back to my task of fletching arrows. My first thought was that it had taken them long enough to return. I had been back for hours. My next thought was whether I should seek out Merilin and apologize once again for my less than tolerable behavior. But the moment the thought entered my mind, I quickly pushed it away. Her behavior had been just as intolerable. Why did I have to be the one to apologize? Even though I was not entirely at fault, I apologized the morning we discovered we had slept together. But instead of accepting my sincere apology she made it a point to place all the blame on me. I wouldn't make that mistake again. She needed to own up to at least part of the blame for we were most definitely both at fault…for drinking too much miruvor and for making the decision to share intimacy.

I cringed for a moment, hoping beyond hope that I hadn't forced myself on her. It was not in me to do such a thing, but one under the influence of an influential substance such as miruvor…anything could happen. Miruvor was not only a cordial, but it also stimulated an Elf, giving them an endless supply of energy. It was truly unfortunate that I couldn't remember the night because I could only imagine how frisky we had been beneath that tablecloth.

The bushes rustled behind me and Merilin's scent reached me before she stepped out in the open. "Legolas?"

I pretended to be engrossed in the fletch of my arrow and didn't look up to acknowledge her presence. "Aye."

Merilin sighed heavily and trudged over to sit beside me on the fallen tree trunk. "We need to talk."

"That is all we've been doing. What else is there to do?"

"Nay, we have not been talking, we've been arguing."

"Well, I'm done arguing, Merilin."

"As am I."

"Then that doesn't leave much else for us. We seem to thrive on arguments."

She reached out and yanked the arrow out of my hand. "Will you stop playing with that and look at me?"

When she tossed the arrow away, I had no choice but to look up at her.

"These last two days have been trying at best. But I will admit this to you, I have enjoyed your company, even though we spent most of the time sparring."

A group of guards decided to water their horses at the bank of the river only a few feet away from where we sat. I shook my head and sighed. No matter where I went in my own realm, there was never a place where I could enjoy a few moments of privacy. "This is not an appropriate place to continue our discussion. We will meet in my rooms."

"Why your rooms?" she questioned.

"Why not my rooms?" I decided to exaggerate what I imagined her thoughts to be. "Are you in fear of my sex-starved disposition?"

She raised her nose in that manner she often used, thinking she could humble me. "I am not afraid of you."

"Good. Immediately following the mid-day meal, I expect your presence in my rooms. We will settle this matter between us once and for all." We both stood up and I motioned with my hand for her to precede me. "After you."

"Nay, after you."

"I insist, after you." When she began walking ahead of me, I so wanted to raise my boot to her behind.

Then she reached around to place her hands there, as if reading my mind. "Don't even think about it, Greenleaf."

**

* * *

(Merilin's POV)**

I hadn't eaten a thing since the previous night at the tavern. Even though my stomach grumbled for me to feed it, I absolutely felt no desire to shovel anything into my mouth. The silence around the table was disconcerting. No one spoke. Not even the twins. I especially found it odd that Aragorn and Arwen had nothing to say to one another. What was the matter with everyone?

I raised my eyes to look around at the others. They all seemed extremely preoccupied with the food in front of them. The only one I expected to be so engrossed in any meal was Gimli, Legolas's dwarf friend. He hummed to himself with every movement of his chomping jaws, which after awhile was particularly annoying. The King swirled a fork around his potatoes and did the same through his spinach. Then he seemed fascinated with the colors when he blended the potatoes and the spinach together. Gandalf and Lord Celeborn were also playing with their food in a rather uncharacteristic manner.

When I glanced toward Legolas, our eyes met. He squeezed them slightly and I mimicked him. Then he raised an eyebrow and I did the same. After a couple minutes of staring and making faces at each other, I had to control the need to laugh. I wondered if he was noticing everyone's strange behavior so I darted my eyes around at the others and back to him. He did the same and shrugged his shoulders.

Was he oblivious to the silence? This was not typical. Our meals in Mirkwood were always loud, with obnoxious laughter and ridicule. Even Gandalf was quiet and he always had some story to tell while everyone ate.

After awhile Legolas stood up, which immediately drew everyone's attention, as if they had been waiting for it. He looked around at the many eyes upon him.

"Are you finished, son?" asked Thranduil, suddenly interested in his son's appetite.

"I am."

"Where are you going now?"

Legolas frowned. "I go to my rooms to rest."

Thranduil nodded in agreement. "A splendid idea."

The frown remained on Legolas's face as he stepped away from the table and quickly headed out of the dining hall.

I watched him depart and then realized all eyes were now on me. They stared as if they were waiting for something else to happen. I was convinced everyone had lost their mind. They were all acting strangely. "I am done, ada. May I be excused?"

Elrond arched a brow in my direction. "Of course, of course. You go to rest as well?"

"I do."

"Excellent."

I stood up and left the table. As I approached the doorway, I glanced back. All eyes were still on me. I nonchalantly smiled and waved. In unison they all waved back. I picked up my feet and rushed out of the hall.

In the corridor Legolas suddenly appeared from an alcove, making me jump. He took my arm and led the way.

"Why was everyone acting so strangely in there?" I curiously asked.

"You noticed that, too?"

"How could I not? Not a word was spoken the entire meal. Tis an oddity in this household."

"Perhaps we are not the only ones to experience several hours of insanity. Tis like Sauron himself tainted the miruvor and everyone has suffered for it."

I laughed. "Is that your explanation for our own behavior? The miruvor continues to taint our judgment?"

"I will accept any excuse at the moment." Legolas led us down two other corridors and finally through a doorway. "Just a minute." He released my arm and immediately went into the other room.

An instant later a young servant girl rushed out, her arms full of soiled linen. "But I haven't yet made the bed, my Lord."

"Just get out," Legolas replied impatiently.

The girl fearfully ran out, dropping a crumpled sheet on the way.

Legolas kicked the sheet out of the room. "And don't come back!" He slammed the door shut.

"That was terribly rude, Legolas. You didn't have to scare that poor girl half to death."

"That poor girl? You wouldn't say that if you saw the quality of her work. And she's always in here touching my things."

"Isn't that what a servant is for?"

"Do your servants change the sheets while you are still lying in the bed? Or tidying things up while you bathe?"

I gave him a look. "Since when would that ever bother you?"

Legolas pointed a finger at me. "I'm not getting suckered into that discussion again. But I will say this, if and when I am in a committed relationship, my eyes do not wander."

"Your eyes may not wander, but what about your hands?"

"What must I do to convince you I have had no relations since I laid eyes on you?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Is that what you wish to discuss, your fidelity over the last fifteen hundred years?"

"We weren't even in a committed relationship, Merilin, yet I could think of no other."

"Fine, you've made yourself clear. If you must know, I have never been unfaithful to any of my lovers." The sudden dazed expression on his face was well worth the price of a lie.

"What lovers? You have had no lovers."

"And how would you know what I had or had not?"

"Then name them."

"Nay, I will not."

He smirked. "You've been with no one. I'm your one and only."

"Well…Perhaps then you will not be the only."

"Are you going to commit to me or not?"

"I have yet to hear the appropriate words, Legolas."

Legolas stepped closer and his expression became serious as he placed his hands on my arms. "Merilin…"

My heart began to pound loudly in my chest as I stared up at him.

"I…love…you."

Those three little words turned my world upside down. All the centuries that had passed in my life, waiting and wanting and hoping for him to choose me above all others. The time had finally came. He was admitting his true feelings.

**

* * *

(Legolas's POV)**

There, I said it. I told her. And now I waited for her reaction. Other than her eyes wide as saucers, I couldn't interpret the expression on the rest of her face. "Perhaps you didn't hear me," I said after a moment of silence.

And then tears began to form in her eyes. "I heard you," she replied in a whisper. That was followed by her arms folding around my neck and the side of her face pressing against mine. "You know I love you, Legolas."

I did know, but I was elated to hear her say it…and while she knew I was conscious. I contently wrapped my arms around her in a warm embrace. "Will you accept my proposal of marriage?"

Merilin pulled slightly away to look me in the eyes. "Only if I know you do it for us and not because our _adanadar_ coerced you." (fathers)

I gave her a crooked smile. "Have you ever known me to be coerced by anyone?"

She returned my smile and drew close again. "Not even me?"

"It depends on what you are trying to coerce me to do." Her lips were barely touching mine, but she was luring me in. I willingly took the bait and kissed her. The moment I tasted her I couldn't get enough. Who was I trying to kid? I had absolutely no self-control around this elleth. It didn't exist.

"So we we're not just insane?" Merilin asked as she received my kisses.

"I don't know, insanity does run in my family," and I was referring to my father.

Then something reached my ears. A rustling on the other side of the door. I slowly pulled away from Merilin's lips and turned toward the sound, which instantly ceased. With an angry frown, I marched toward the door and swung it open.

There was my father, bent over at the waist, as if he had been listening through the crack in the door just below the knob. He froze and then instantly straightened up, his hands reaching up to nonchalantly smooth the front of his robes.

When I stepped forward, he awkwardly stepped out of the way. "What're you doing?" I inquired.

As I stepped out of my room, I glanced to my right and found Aragorn, Arwen, Elladan and Elrohir pressed with their backs against the wall. They all had guilty looks on their faces. I turned to my left and there was Lord Elrond, Gimli, Gandalf and Lord Celeborn pressed with their backs against the other wall. Their faces had similar looks.

"What is going on out here?"

My father held up a hand. "Now, Legolas…"

"Can't I have a moment of privacy in my own rooms?" Now I understood why everyone had been acting so strangely. They were all waiting for Merilin and I to be alone so they could eavesdrop on our conversation, like a bunch of meddlers.

Lord Elrond abruptly let out a joyous yell, causing everyone to jump from the suddenness of it. "It's settled then. There will be a wedding afterall." He turned to my father. "We should start putting the invitations together."

"Absolutely," said the king. Together they walked away, hands on each other's shoulders. Gandalf and Lord Celeborn followed in their wake.

Arwen came up and kissed me on the cheek. "I'm proud of you, Legolas."

Merilin stepped out into the corridor. She looked confused to see the others standing around. And then she rushed over to Arwen. "I'm getting married!"

I stared at the two of them with my mouth open. It was as if they had known all along that I would propose to Merilin. I had a feeling I had been swindled.

Arwen grinned. "Let's return to the dressmaker tomorrow. She can begin on your wedding gown."

"Do you think she will finish it in time before summer has ended?" Merilin asked Arwen.

What?! "But that's in less than thirty days!" I cried out.

"She is fantastic," stated Arwen. "If Gondor wasn't so far from Lake-Town, I would have had her make my wedding gown."

"Perfect." Merilin clapped her hands together. "How shall I do my hair?"

"Don't you think it's a bit soon to be thinking about your hair?" I inquired, even though I had no interest in knowing anything about it.

"And the flowers," Arwen added. "We need to start picking flowers."

"Flowers? So soon?" Neither of them seemed to be listening to me. I ceased to exist. "I snore when I sleep."

No reaction. They continued to ramble on about flowers.

"I scream like a child if I don't get my warm milk at night."

Still no response.

"I sleepwalk in the nude to the kitchen and terrify the servants!" None of it was true, but I was desperate. What would it take to get Merilin to reconsider my proposal. "I kissed Aragorn during the fellowship!"

Aragorn punched my arm. "Are you crazy? That never happened!"

Merilin stepped up to me, still conversing with Arwen. "I know, I know. They're absolutely beautiful. I think we should go with…" She leaned in and kissed me on the lips. "That's nice, dear." Then she turned back to Arwen. "We should go with the Niphredil. They match the color of his eyes."

I watched them walk away and cringed. Gimli, Elladan and Elrohir came up on either side of me and Aragorn.

Aragorn placed a hand on my shoulder. "Just think, you'll have an eternity of these blissful moments."

I sighed heavily. "Remind me again why I love her?"

"You can always sail West and leave her here," said Elladan.

"It wouldn't make a difference because I would still hear her nagging me from across the Belegaer." I turned to Aragorn. "Isn't there a quest we need to participate in? A extremely long quest?"

But I knew deep down inside that I had made the right decision. Life with Merilin would without a doubt never be dull.

The End


End file.
